I recently received this email from a friend and thought it was such a lovely post I just had to share.
I write to you, yes you! You who surround me. You who say are a friend but act a foe. I speak to you today for understanding sake. I speak to you because I can no longer remain mum. I tell you this because if these too were your shoes that I would definitely be more open to who you are. But they are not,these shoes are not yours! I do not accuse you, but still I feel we do not live at peace like we ought to. I know you understand that I am broken by this. I wish I fit your idea of me but that too would be ... would you if it were you?
I hear you say that it is a choice that I made and since I am African yet Kenyan too; I hear you say I am deviant. You threaten to leave or for some parents threaten to die and curse the day we were conceived. Surely, all this for loving you who is like me. How different am I because I choose to love my own? Is it not the same love? The one that leaves you at peace, the kind that brings forth butterflies at the sight of your beloved, and the one you constantly think of and live for.Is it really not just the same love? So why not just let me be? Why do you wish to change me, or even wish that I were different? I do not wish that of you. Aren't we asked to treat each other as we expect to be treated? Surely how does that say about the way you want me to treat you ... considering how you have
been around me?
I nod my head to a beautiful song but the words cut deep. I wish that this too were not a reality, and that you understood. You keep me silent ... you keep me mum. You know how you do that or do I have to tell you? I could quote the song and see if you understand. The singer is one of us. We love the same, we cry for the same cause and we advocate for the right to just love. That's really all we ask for ... is it that much? Her cry ... deep ... raw .. could never compare to any ... all for just the way we love. Why silence me? I want to freely speak of how I love. I want the right of being human and to be with the one I love ... my kind.. Oh... I am sorry ... I said I was quoting a song and it seems like I just went on and on.
Here is a line or two that get to me :
" You stay ignorant it means you not know
It's 2007 man why you even give a damn
Why concentrating on someone's life they living in
If society say us people ain’t fitting in ignore us
Close your eyes and stop listening "
Surely all this for being me. Me being me. Really what do want me to do? Should I please you and live in misery a life not my own? All these grievances stem deep. They go way back ... years aback. You could tell me that I should have forgotten by now. How do you forget that which changes your life? If my misery would make you happy then maybe I may consider living up to your expectations. That being far-fetched, and you not as willing to compromise; then we live like this. How do I live the rest of my life? With this sickening feeling in my stomach? With these looks that I get from you? With the comments that ever so often break my heart? Lord!!! How do I live with the questions you ask me or do not ask?
I suggest like Melange Lavonne says in her song "Gay bash" ... if you say we are not fitting then ignore us. So what kind of friend, brother, sister, and parent are you that would let your beloved live like this? Think about it. It could be you. Yes! It could be you. But you roll your eyes; You look away. Away from me. As though it would take away from this reality of me being this way. I suggest you try on my shoes. See how they fit. Tell me, would you be happy if I treated you as you do me? This is my letter to you ... you who surround me.
I write this for those who understand. For those who are there, have been there, are on their way there, or are not there yet because society has closeted them. Yes I speak for all of you because this silence is deafening and very heartbreaking. But we have each other ... we understand each other ... and since for now it is all we have then I make the best of it. You who loves my kind ... I want you to know I understand ... I know ... I am there too!