Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Sex Life? Haha!

i know i said i will share my sex life at one point but err... am kinda shy!! don't blame me! its my background! okay maybe am just giving an excuse. but seriously, some things here in kenya are a clear taboo! and err... lemme not mention this.

i will say this though, i so so wish i could get that surgery soon. there are these days when am thinking to myself how it would feel to have a vajayjay (as tyra calls it!) how it would feel to put your finger in it (gai!) or even have that special someone put his nini in it! hehe... am just being honest here.... these are my thoughts. ive been curious all the way and am still curious. i still hate that thing hanging hanging there and sometimes i do wish i could pick that scissors and *snip*!

besides all that, am okay. sex is good. like any other couple, we have our highs and lows. .... and i know one of the reasons why am not so comfortable writing this is because i know my mom is reading this! i digress.. ... getting back to focus.. as i was saying, we have highs and lows. we are both busy people and very busy at that but somehow we still get to fulfil one another. 

something i know ive mentioned before, is that my libido went tumbulu! it went down. sometimes i think that this is a major contributor of why ... naah! its not. lemme not even mention it... that man is something else! i digress again....

so. i have opened even more up. if you know me, dare you mention this to my face! 


Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Global Voices Online Interviews Lindsay

I have just been told of this post by Haute Haiku of The Gay-Kafe Kenya.

Kenya: My Life as a Transgender Girl in Kenya

Lindsay is a transgendered woman living in Kenya who shares her life and her journey to womanhood on her blogLiving Lindsay- My life as a transgender girl in Kenya. She describes herself as “I'm a normal girl with not-so-normal traits. I am transgender, or transsexual if you like.”
This is going to be her sixth month since her surgery and she feels that she is more at ease with her life than before. Her main goal is to educate the public on transgender issues in Kenya by answering questions from the public about her journey on her blog.  She has blogged about her surgery orchidectomy, blogging and challenges she has to go through; violent encounters, how she had to move houses and her struggle with her identification documents. Her story has also been highlighted in one of the Kenyan daily newspaper and she hopes that she will make a difference in the Kenyan society.
I recently interviewed Lindsay about her transitional journey, blogging and other issues relating to transgender community in Kenya and Africa.
Question: What inspired you to start a blog?
Answer: At the time, I felt I needed to share out my views, rant, have a place to be free and talk about my thoughts feelings and stuff. It was the perfect place where I could be myself without hiding. I also thought I could reach out to others like me and learn from them.
Q: For how long have you been blogging?
A: The blog has been operational for the last two years. My first post is dated May 2008. That's when I started.
Q: What is the life of transgendered person in Kenya?
A: That's not an easy question. We are different. Some of us have it easy (like me) and some of us have it rough. I for one was blessed enough to have the support of most of my family including my Mother, to have a source of income which enables me to purchase hormones and undergo surgery (Bilateral Orchidectomy) and simply survive. Others do not have this. Some of us have had to become sex workers so as to have a livelihood. Most of us, because of family pressure, lack of finances and other factors, still live in their assigned sexes (for example a trans man still living as a woman) and therefore is still suffering within. Others because of fear of stigma, cannot do anything.
In general, if you are discovered to be transgender, the likelihood of you being stigmatized, harassed, discriminated against, beaten up, ridiculed, publicly undressed to see what you have between your legs and the worst of all, corrective raped is high. Sometimes even such violations are done by the very peopled entrusted with the power to protect us, i.e. the police. Even more disheartening, is that the government has little policies and laws that assist the transgendered person in Kenya and. What's there is that police use laws such as “impersonation” to harass and jail trans persons.
Q: What drove the desire for your  transition? When did you start journey?
A: I consider myself a woman. I wanted to look like one. The way I felt I was, who I felt I was. This was my desire. To be me. Both inside and out. I hated pretending to be something I wasn't.
I began transitioning about a year ago in September 2009. The process is not easy. At first, because of my physical appearance, it was extremely difficult to convince people that I was female. In fact, one of the incidences I had was in a hotel where I wanted to use the ladies and this guard forcefully stopped me asking me why I was going into the ladies room and saying “Are you a girl?” repeatedly. Luckily I was saved by one of the hotel employees. I came to understand later that the said employee had previously worked in South Africa and hence was exposed to such scenarios.
After months of struggling and intake of hormones, my appearance improved and it was hard to detect that I was previously male-looking. I was excited. Later on I managed to book for an appointment with a surgeon to undergo Bilateral Orchiectomy. This in lay terms is a castration – the removal of the testes. I did this because one, I needed to save up on cost of reducing testosterone levels in my body and the elimination of testes meant that I produced virtually no testosterone, and two, I felt that it would not be a problem to have them anyway, if anything, I'd be happier without them. To me they were a nuisance. I still haven't done the main GRS as it is costly and am not yet prepared for it. Also, to have it done in Kenya is a big problem and people who have attempted before have faced numerous challenges that have proved futile.
Q: When did you learn that you are a transgender other than gay or any other labels that would be stamped on you?
A: I discovered I was different when I was about 4 years old. I knew that something wasn't right. Something about my gender. Back then I didn't know what it was. Until later in life when I was in high school and was introduced to internet and discovered the word GID (gender identity disorder). Before then, I knew about gays, but I knew that that didn't describe what I felt/was.
Q: You have a post on your blog that says “I don't exist” clarify on that. What problems does a trans person  go through in Africa.
A: I wrote that post in lamentation for the bare fact that, while I do have an identity card, it is in a name that I do not use, that I cannot use and that I refuse to use. Again, it has a picture of someone who does not even remotely look like me. Therefore, even if I tell someone that that is my ID card, they'd hardly believe me.
Also, getting a new identity card with my new name is not allowed. The current laws might allow for change of name but they don't allow for change of sex. In addition, that change of name is rarely approved if it is clearly a change from a male name to a female name or vice versa. This is why I termed myself “an alien”.
Q: How do you feel now that now that you have gone through your surgery gender reassignment surgery? What do you friends and family think?
A: Let me clarify that I have not undergone GRS yet. What I had is a castration.
Considering the reasons why I did so, my supporting family & friends have no problem with it, although the question of whether I wanted to have offspring came up often. I told them I didn't mind not having kids from my own blood/sperm for the bare fact that the means (of having the baby) would not be acceptable to me.
Q: How has your  life changed now that you are a transgender woman?
A: I am a happier more fulfilled person now. I feel rejuvenated, I feel happy practically daily and living now for me has more meaning. I am much much better than I was a year ago.
Q: How would you describe LGBT blogosphere in Africa?
A: Africa has few LGBTI bloggers (yes, people tend to forget the “I” yet they are part of it!) but the ones I have seen actually help improve the image of lgbti persons in society. I have heard people tell me that their views have changed simply because they read something on my blog or on some other lgbti's blog. I actually hope to see more and more lgbti bloggers out there and even more specific, have a intersex person share their livelihood, challenges and joys with us so as to learn more and increase our tolerance levels.
Q: Has blogging helped in communicating LGBT issues in Kenya, what is the progress?
A: Yes. I think a lot has changed and by people reading blogs from lgbti persons, more awareenss is created. There are many many blogs out there being published daily and I feel that this has helped. One blogger friend called me the first Kenyan transgender blogger and I feel so honored. I am happy thay through my blogging, many have learnt a lot about trans persons and the pink community in general.
Q: What do you think about the future of blogging concerning LGBTs?
A: I think the future now needs to shift into more personal issues. Considering that awareenss is being increased every day, word about such blogs needs to be out there more. The only problem is that there are less ‘out' or visible bloggers and that anonymity poses a certain detriment.

Thursday, October 14, 2010


OK. Fine. Am not going anywhere. And yes am gonna write more. I've gotten enough support. But let me warn you though, it ain't easy. You know, updating n stuff. But am gonna try.

Hope I ain't sounding ish ish. Its just that, as Monica Roberts (a regular reader n commenter of this blog) said, its tough figuring out the balance. How much to reveal, how much to hide. Coz with all honesty I cant be yapping about my life here...as in eeevrything! No can do! Siwesimek! (slang for I can't make it – realised that I need to be translating such considering I have readers from all over the world!)

So, as Amy, Sinia and Monica said in commenting on my last post, one way to know how it is to live in Kenya is by reading my blog. Cool! I'm gonna try. (I said that already!)

So, last thing before I off, remember when I said I was off my meds, well I discovered that my teeny booblets had reduced!!! Imagine! I was so so shocked. So lesson learnt. Do not not take your meds. Its a matter of life and death! (for the boobs that is!). While we are on the topic, why am I talking boobs alone? Why am I even mentioning body aspects? First reason that pops into mind is because well, boobs are the true definition of womanhood. No, that does not mean that all women (even those identifying as) have to have boobs. It simply means that, for me, boobs = womanhood, atleast for the look. The reason am saying this is because sometimes there are women without boobs and men with boobs. So basically it boils down to how you identify yourself and what fits best for you.

Hopefully tomorrow or next week I shall tell something little about my oh so boring sex life!

*XOXO* (p.s. am not mimicking gossip-girl! she copied me!!!)

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I Know I Don't Post Much Nowadays...

... but please fogive me.

or better yet, why don't you comment and ask me what you'd like to know.

could be fun right?


asking me...



answering them...

you know...


okay... maybe am tryna fill up space so it doesn't really look so so short.

but am easy.. except for the fact that im still gettin 'em hot flashes here and there. and then again

my nipples are still sensitive (what am i writing????) but its true. so i find myself wanting to scratch.. then i don't do so because i donno who's looking (been there?) its soo frustrating.

do you know that in ten days it will be the 6th month since i had my surgery n took em hormones

but something i dont like.. is that the bubs are still so so far. i know, i know, the period has been put as a minimum of two years. am nice like that, informing u n stuff.

but seriously, si u ask me anything? or better yet, chambua this blog!


Friday, October 8, 2010

Darn Hot Flashes!

i was off my progynova pills for a while... about four days. 

HOT FLASHES came to me! i'd get them at odd times. all of a sudden i feel so so hot its like am right in a furnace! jeez! thats not a nice thing to feel. 

i bought my pills again though. they are quite expensive you know. spending about Ksh.1,200 ($15) per month is no joke. not like i can't afford it, its just that i had stuff to do with the cash and needed it. then the prices were fluctuating and i being the economic one wanted to save the buck!

my deed poll is not yet through. need cash to pay the lawyer. but am hoping things go well. hopefully by end of month or mid next month i shall have it and eventually apply for a passport. i don't have one yet.

life is good. am really enjoying it. don't worry. someday i shall be able to share even more about my not-so-amazing life!


Monday, October 4, 2010

Boy Oh Girl!

A friend asked me why I don't post anymore.

Know what? I didn't have an answer. All I had were excuses. Oh this oh that.

But the main reason (the one I feel fits best) is that I no longer feel anonymous. I like the anonymity. Unless I convert the blog to be more public, more me, it just cant work. The only way it will (as I think) is

if Lindsay came out.

How is that gonna be? How am I gonna handle it? These are some of the questions I keep asking myself day in day out.

More importantly, how is my decision to come out (publicly)(internet-ly) gonna be? Because, then, people will know me, how I look, who I interact with and so on.

One thing I know is that somewhere in the future, be it in weeks, months or even days, I will be in the public limelight. There is a gap in activism that I feel I should join. And my colleagues also feel the same. But these are questions I'm battling with.

How will my family take it?

How will my 'friend' take it? Will he leave me just to avoid public scorn? And if he does leave, will I be able to find another? Or will I be able to remain single?

How will my friends (those who don't know about my condition) take it? Will they abandon me?

How will I take it? Will I be able to handle whatever publicity that will be thrown at me? Will I be able to lead the same lifestyle I have now? Will it still be the same? Will it be better?

How will the public take it? Will they do something to me? Will my landlord chase me away? Will I be encouraged? Will I be scorned?

So so many questions. One thing I don't like doing is saying out loud that something bad will happen to me. Because I feel that in some way, you attract it to yourself. But I refuse that. I refuse to believe that completely.

As for now, I wait. I hope. I believe.

Ciao friends.

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