Friday, November 26, 2010

Getting Hit On

One of the nice things about being me, being myself, is that I now get hit on more than before. Oh yes, if you've read my blog, you've seen that I acually was being hit on by guys before, and the occasional girl (eek!).

But this also comes with a price. Let me break it down in two ways.

1. When I get hit on by a guy am not interested in – Nairobi girl thought process.

Here definitlely the first thought that pops into my head is “What the eff are you trying? You really think you got game? You ain't got nothing on me!” That's what I think. Because honestly, I ain't interested. And this happens mostly in matatu rides! A guy (usually the kange (slang for conductor)) looks at me and goes “Wawawawaaa si ur hot! So do you mind giving me your digits?” Okay, seriously? This guy, who is clearly way off my radar, off my 'is-hot' scale, things he's got a chance with me. And even then, that I will just smile and say “07....” and voila! Is he effing serious?? It doesn't make sense to me at all!!

2. When I get hit on by a guy I am interested in – Trans girl thought process.

Now this is the hard part. I meet a guy, maybe in the club or something. And he's smokin hot! And more so, he's approaching me!! Then he asks for my number or to buy me a drink or something. Do you know what the first thing that pops into my mind is?

“OMG! Now what am I gonna tell him? When will I tell him am trans? How will he take it? OMG he's totally gonna hate me and tell everyone He's totally gona squirm and never talk to me again! Uh!! HUH!!!”

Yea. Quite frustrating ainnit? Bah! I am yet to cross this hurdle.

But see, lemme confess, I have met guys who I thought were quite something and I was into them. Then definitely met with the same dilemma of when or whether to tell them about my past/situation. And I have told them and they were okay with it. I wonder why. I've always wanted to know what goes on in their mind when they meet someone like me. What do they think when they discover I'm not exactly what they (might have) pictured in their minds? What is it that tells them its okay? Fine, its a good thing that they are accepting, in fact, its amazing! I'm not questioning that, am merely trying to know how it feels like on their side. You know, being straight and especially being sorta off ish on gay men and then along comes me, with what I have 'down there'. Lets face it people, its a curious thing. Is it easier when what you see face value helps to ignore, in a way, what's lying underneath? Is that it? Please note, I'm not in anyway questioning why men are attracted to me, am merely poking questions. I'm trying to let your minds wander. Don't you wonder?

Curious isn't it?


Thursday, November 25, 2010

Family Woes

I love my Mum. Y'all know that by now. We talk/chat/text etc every day and we're like sisters (very true!). I can't at all say how much she means to me. She's my rock. She means the world to me. And she knows that. Its just that I never know how exactly to express my love/gratitude/happiness/joy/peace/understanding etc to her. I simply have no words. Everytime someone tells me "You're very lucky, you know that?" and I respond "I know..." I feel like its a brag statement. Or an 'I-don't-care' statement. Or like indifferent in a way. No, when I say "I know" I truly mean that. As in, I know, but I'm still amazed.

Not many mothers are like that. I am indeed, truly, blessed to have you mom.

Now, the harder part is getting to be 'okayed' by the rest of the family. I don't have siblings so the only other family I have is my extended family. My cousins, uncles, aunts and grandparents - all from my mother's side of the family. Its taking time to have them understand me and know me (this new me) better and see that I'm no different than the old me....if anything, I'm far far better.

I gotta admit, I miss my aunt. I miss my grandparents. I really, truly, wish they'd understand me & embrace me. I truly wish they'd see that I'm not brainwashed. That I'm a happier, better person now more than ever. Its been a while (like almost a year) since I last saw my grandmum and I feel I will be seeing her soon. I am kinda worried about how she will take me, how she will treat me, how she will relate with me. I'm just worried. But I am strong. I shall remain strong. And take it on as it comes. I shall await and see how it goes. I believe it won't be bad. I know it won't.

She'll be fine.


Tuesday, November 16, 2010

ISIS KING: I See Myself In Her

In as much as there are tons of transgender persons to emulate in the world, there is one woman that has always stood out for me.
Isis King.

Her life has always been an inspiration to me. I remember watching the videos on YouTube of her being interviewed by Tyra Banks (who is also a huge inspiration to me) and getting teary at how much her life is similar to mine. Its amazing. She talks of how she feels of her **** and I can't agree more. I really can't. And that's just but one of the things that she talks of in her interview(s) with Tyra that just make me all teary and smile and hope.

When she was told that she's going to be sponsored by Tyra and Marci Bowers to have her surgery done, I only had one thing in mind: I wish the same would happen to me.

Go to YouTube and check out the videos. I swear, I would sound the same if it were me!


Monday, November 15, 2010

The Usual

On Saturday 20th November I shall have clocked 7 Months since I began taking hormones (properly) and since I had my surgery. If you've not been following, look at my first month's post, the second and the fifth month. Quite something! Its exciting news for me. (Funny, they look like those stuff people say at AA meetings haha!)

Apparently, and I have said this before, I am not as anonymous as I'd want to be. So all ye who know me, thanks for the support. Its always good to have you all around, and do keep the anonymity, its important for me to know its still there, real or not. Its no worries. I am hoping for the best. All the ones who have beef with me (and/or people like me) I am sorry you feel that way. My advice? Pray for me. I really want to walk on golden streets.

Again, I sincerely want to thank everyone who follows my life (following my blog is following my life! *creepy*). It makes me happy to know that y'all have a better understanding about a girl who is transgender and living in Kenya. It makes me happy to know that my few posts here and there have made a considerable mark in the Kenyan blogosphere and all other internet arenas.

And on that note, it isn't that weird right? You know, I am not weird? People always look at you like "OMG how is it?" and in my head am like "dude(tte) - its not all that! am just simple... a Kenyan girl who happens to have small boobs and a d***.

Something else on my mind is that I seriously want, no, need to go for electrolysis! Or was it laser hair removal? Anyway, you get my drift. While I have somehow gotten used to shaving my face every 2-3 days (dread!), everytime I do it I remind myself that I do need to go do it. Sadly, it costs money and am not yet prepared. I also am at a point where I am shifting focus in other angles and I shall need the money there.

Last thing, the "I am an alien" status has not changed yet. Its dragging on and on and quite frankly am reaching boiling point. But not to worry, I shall wait.

Patience pays. I learnt.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Soon And Very Soon

Thought I should tell you that as the days go by, this blog is becoming harder and harder to maintain. But not to worry, the time will come when it shall be relevant again.

Things are changing. I am shifting focus to other things. But they definitely will change.

Just a note.


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