I can't believe this.
I just can't believe am blogging about the same issues all over again. Maybe written in a different way but still, its the same thing.
You know, the sad part is that I am in a relationship. A good one at that. And no, its not that the relationship is on the rocks or anything, quite contrary actually, its amazing. Its the sad fact that I, being oh so monogamous n all, can't and won't cheat on my M. I won't. I can't.
Yet the temptation is always there. Always. And it keeps increasing.
Sometimes I feel like am gonna do something about it... like become ugly or something.... just to avoid boys getting interested in me..... but then there is that fear that if I do that M will not be happy.... though he should be into me for me and not for how I look like.... then again, .. argh! Sucks!!
I know, I know... this is the usual stuff (most) girls go through. Sometimes I think I'm too nice. Or something close to that.
But I am left to wonder.... when I see my friends and peers... and hear all the stuff they go through.... and how they don't hold onto a relationship for long... because they're always cheating n stuff.... I always find it interesting... how someone can do that..... you know... sleep with several people within a span of a few months.. or even weeks. I can't do that. I honestly can't.
Yet that's the least of my worries. I said I've mentioned this before. I feel so bad. Because I'm meeting new people all the time and I'm always wondering when or whether at all to tell them about "my medical history" (as Bree on 'TransAmerica' puts it). And its more for the guys who (obviously) are into me. It gets hard. And let me just go on ranting because this will help me (and maybe someone else out there) figure it out..
Anyway... lets see.. I will know what to do..
Merry Christmas and Boxing Day to you all!!
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
Our family had a reunion of sorts recently and I was invited. Yes I was! Here's what happened.
10.00 am – Too scared...
I was extremely nervous. I didn't know what to do, whether to show up or not. I was freaking out so much! EVERYONE was going to be there! And guess where it would be taking place.... my relative's place. Yea, her. Later on you'll see that she's getting there. My grandparents were there too. Yes, one of them who wanted to tear up this article when it was shown to them.
2.00 pm – Sh!t am gonna be late!
I was supposed to be there by then! I'm still so so far, stuck in traffic and to make matters worse, our roads ministry decides to do repairs on our road! Bummer!!
4.00 pm – Sh!t am so so late!
Damn! I'm 2 hrs late. Even the food's finished and some people are already getting tipsy! Oh! I walk in and I see one of my smaller relatives. She's like 4 or 5 and this was the first time she sees me. “You look like Leo with make-up on” she remarks.. this would go on the whole time I'm there. I couldn't help not feeling sorry for her. I just wished it was easier breaking it down for her.
Soon am in and my mum sees me and her face lights up. She's overly excited to see me. I later learn that she was very anxious and worried that I wouldn't make it, that Id develop cold feet. She introduces me to everyone. Gosh! There's like 20 people here! Oh how am I gonna handle this? Such thoughts cross my mind. Some of them couldnt stop staring at me. Some of them embrace me, the ones who've met me before and are supportive. I am such a blessed girl. So so blessed. No one was offensive. Not even my grandparent! What more could I ask for?
I meet the boys. They're seated outside since the women and children are inside. Quite a very African type setting where women sit over some tea and biscuits inside and watch tv as they exchange life stories while the men sit outside over beer and spirit bottles talking about who scored and what game is next...such stuff.
So I go outside to the boys. They stare. The good thing is that a quarter of them don't know me and another quarter don't remember me. The rest are family. They know me. Just hadn't met me. I'm all tense. Ever since I stepped in I've been so tense! I greet them, exchange pleasantries and get to know the newbies. They're family too, I learn. I can see my family finding it hard to introduce me to them but luckily they don't slip on the name thing. They say it so well. I almost shed a tear or two; in my head I'm like “Why me? This is so surreal! Never expected this”.
Back inside we start chatting with the rest of the women. I can see my relative, yea her, she tells me she's happy to see me. I'm surprised. She continues to say that its gonna take her time, a long time to get round to it but she's happy I'm happy. I tell her she can take all the time she needs. She still has an issue with the name. Still difficult letting go and using the new one. I can see she's trying but she's struggling. I understand we're wired differently and people do things the way it feels best and right for them. I can't blame her. I can never do that.
Too Many Questions.....
I meet a long lost friend of a relative; practically family too. This would be the first time he meets me. Hes dumbfounded. The first time he vehemently denies that I am the same person he knew two years ago. (he was out of the country). We sit and talk and I explain to him everything from start to end. I promise to give him more literature to help him understand. I can see he's also quite mesmerised by everything and can't believe his eyes. Its not something easily understood in matter of minutes. But he's okay with it and even compliments me on my beauty. I am thankful, I tell him. Thankful that I am more than blessed. Later on, after some drinks, I talked to my male relative who was also finding it hard to grasp things. And we agreed that more sharing was to be done. Probably another family gathering!
It was a good day. Best of all is that they're supportive. I am overly amazed. More than amazed!! I cannot say just how much I am thankful to the Almighty!!!! I have absolutely no words to describe it.