Conversation with "Aleki"
Aleki likes me. He reads this blog. I know there are others too who like me. But here's why I wouldn't bother with them.
They like me because I am trans.
Not for anything else, but because I am trans. Should I be insulted? Should I just say "well at least he knows that I am trans so that part of the conversation is sorted..."?
Conversation with my friend D
D notices I'm mopey and wonders why. I tell him that I like this guy but he doesn't seem to like me as much as I like him, despite him saying he likes me. D goes to confront him. (This conversation has been downgraded to a more PC version)
"You were with my friend and now you're with her friend. That's messed up."
"I like Lind ..... but you know D, ... I like pussy"
D comes and tells me what transpired. I break down. "...I like her.... but I like pussy" rings in my head over and over again.
Conversation with my other friend N
I like transwomen. Is that so bad? Its really not about their being trans, but just their being who they are. Is it wrong for me to have a preference to transwomen?
It is indeed clear that I don't want to date a guy who likes me only because I have a odd-looking ladybits.
But it is also clear that most straight men (since I am into men ... mostly) just like pussy.
I can't ignore that. Nor can I avoid it. It is how it is.
I hate my genitals.
Those who like me (and any other transwoman out there who's like me) need to get this clear: I don't like my odd-looking ladybits. I just don't. Yes, I know y'all have told me many times that I should love my bits just the way they are but I think y'all don't get it. I am a woman. Women don't have such bits. They have pussies.
I crave for the day I can just spread my legs wide without feeling uncomfortable.
It isn't sexual. It sounds sexual, but it isn't. I am not having genital surgery so that I can ride someone. No. I am having it for my own peace of mind. It is utterly necessary. Many of you won't get it because you've never felt discomfort with your own bodies. Some of you may. It's like having a tumor on your neck. Once you're able to get rid of it, you become a different person. You're less conscious. Less bothered. Your self esteem goes through the roof.
That's what I want. FREEDOM.
Let me remain single for now. Its a much easier space to be in. Lonely, but easier.