Monday, May 9, 2011

This thing called SEX!

I've been thinking about this for quite some time now. Sex.  Yeah yeah, I ain't a perv so don't start! Well, the reason sex has been on my mind, and is not in anyway related to what I want to do, is simple. What comes to mind when someone like me, a trans, gets hit on?

I probably have mentioned this before but I guess it something I'm experiencing more and more and felt the need to share (again). It's not as simple as you think. Let me babble on.

See, nowadays I get hit on a lot. And I do mean a lot. Now, while I don't mind the attention, it can get annoying sometimes. It's one of those things I used to envy my fellow cousins and friends of but now that it's actually happening to me, eish! It can get a tad bit too much.

But there is one specific thing that crosses my mind every time something like this happens, I often ask myself,

"Hmm... I wonder if they can tell. Ok maybe they can't. Well actually they can't. I'm pretty, no? Ok. Lemme stop being vain! But seriously, so what if I was single? How would I go through it? Well, yeah, I've had experiences before where a guy has actually said its fine and they'll deal with it but, really, do they? Does it come that easy? How about a guy who tells you that they're not homophobic but whenever you mention anything about two gay men their facial expression tells you otherwise. Yeah yeah, I mentioned homophobic instead of transphobic. Why, because truth be told, there is some form of similarity there. But that's a thought conversation for another day, okay? So where were we? Yea, that guy who clearly is hiding some fears about gay sex. Now how will he react when he internalises the fact that A) I don't have big (enough) boobs and B) I am pre-op? AKA, still have "the bits"? How will he deal with that?"

Let's take up another angle. It's not just guys who hit on me. Even girls and trans men do. And it still got me thinking about the same damn thing. Sex! How would it be? That is the golden question. Think about it.

Even as I ponder on this hard question, I can't help but wonder why we emphasise so so much on SEX!! I have this one ardent follower here called "Alehandro". From day one this guy has relentlessly beckoned me to be his. And by that I mean he wants to **** me. And every time he asks me that, I throw back a question. Why? Why all the emphasis? Why does this thing have such a hold on us humanity? It's so interesting isn't it? That to tell apart love from lust or infatuation, emotions from plain desire... is so so hard!

But anyway, lemme let you think on that for now. I think it won't be the last time I hear of it.





Lindsay said...

Still on the topic, and continuing on my thought process there, I also still wonder,

"Ok fine, you say you're okay with it. Its fine, you say. But do you really know what you're getting yourself into? Do you understand what it means for us if we want to get intimate? Is it something you've thought through? Mind you, I don't have anal sex, that's out of discussion. Has that crossed your mind?? Hmmm? Or are we able to rise above the issues surrounding what sex is and how its done. Will you have an issue when you realise that hey, I'm actually very uncomfortable with anyone touching anything down there and thus sex for me has lots of "issues"???"

Yeah! I'm complicated like that.

Ariel said...

It's a difficult time period, especially if you don't know when you will be able to have vaginoplasty. When I was pre-op, I didn't want to be touched down there either. Everything was awkward. So I avoided it until I'd had my correction. I realize that's not easy to do, and you might not want to. But it's definitely complicated.

Lindsay said...

Thanks Ariel,

Its even harder for me because I'm in a relationship.

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