Today I just wanted to let you know a little more about what I did in order to be satisfied. And when I say satisfied I mean just to be okay with what was going on in my life. After realizing that I was different and that I might not be able to change anything about it I decided to embrace it and become everything there was about it. I just made up my mind not to fuss around about what I couldn’t change and just embrace it and take life as it comes. Of course this was something that never went away and it kept looming over my head since it was a part of me. So I made up my mind to find out exactly what I was going through and that’s when I turned to the internet for information. Being one who was so passionate about movies I had watched a lot of TV programs that dwelt on the topic of gayness and trans-ism. I had an idea but it was my research on the topic through the internet that opened my mind and gave me explanations as to what was going on. I couldn’t believe it myself.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
So I decided to see what I could do about what I was feeling. Clearly there was something I just couldn’t put my finger on. After realizing that I was different, I tried as much as I could to ‘fix’ what I had thought was my own mistake. I started trying to adjust my behaviours to suit what i thought was the correct behaviours. i just was so confused!
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Ooh!! Scary!! Well it ain’t part of a scary movie, nor is it a story. I jst want to continue from where I left.
As I was saying, I'm this kind of a person who wasn’t really sure of what he/she was. See, there I am using both words since I was confused. Here I was, young and everyone refers to me as a boy, but deep inside I felt things were very different. I was confused! I couldn’t share this with my mom, she was a very strict mother so I was scared of what she would think.
Time went by and my feelings grew stronger and stronger. I still could feel something was amiss and I just couldn’t understand what was going on in my life.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Okay the word sounds like I’m gonna give some sermon on the future and mysteries of the Armageddon!! But it ain't that. All I wanna do today is give you a little revelation on what I said earlier; that I wanna tell ya all there is to know about me. But before that lemme just put this across clearly. This ain’t fo-sho. This is for all who are out there and are experiencing what I’m going through.
So as I said earlier, I’m a very unique person. Unique in this sense; I’m not what people think I am. I’m more of a two sided person. What I’m getting at is when I started realizing who I am and when a child reaches that stage where he/she can rationalize stuff about themselves, I got to discover something. I am not a guy. Yes, I was indeed born as a bouncing baby boy, but after some years, this boy never was! I’m sure those reading this have come across something like this somewhere. The thing is, I noticed some behaviours in me that were not actually inclined towards boyhood and it wasn’t tied to the fact that I intermingled a lot with those of the opposite sex, it just happened.
Lemme fill you in with more next time. Have a lovely day, will you!
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Hey. It’s a new week and damn its cold!! I mean temperatures in nairobi have gone to like 8 degrees or sumthin!! Gaawsh!! Anyways, lemme giv u tha down low on wats happenin here.
So today im gonna start by revealing that im a somewhat different kind of a person. Im the kind of person you would love to hate!! Ooh how lovely!! Okay. What I mean is, im a nice young girl in Nairobi trying to make sure I live life to the fullest. The only issue with me is that my feminity is only inwards for now. Im saying this because I actually live my life here in tao as a dude!! Yup! You heard right. But you see its not the way you think. All my life ive felt different and blah blah blah! Im sure you surfers have come across some sobby ol storo like mine.
Lemme stop there for tudei. Im surely gonna fill you in with more wen I return.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
1Jo 4:19 We love him, because he first loved us.
"We love Him because He first loved us." --1 John 4:19
There is no light in the planet but that which proceedeth from the sun; and there is no true love to Jesus in the heart but that which cometh from the Lord Jesus himself. From this overflowing fountain of the infinite love of God, all our love to God must spring. This must ever be a great and certain truth, that we love Him for no other reason than because He first loved us. Our love to Him is the fair offspring of His love to us. Cold admiration, when studying the works of God, anyone may have, but the warmth of love can only be kindled in the heart by God's Spirit. How great the wonder that such as we should ever have been brought to love Jesus at all! How marvellous that when we had rebelled against Him, He should, by a display of such amazing love, seek to draw us back. No! never should we have had a grain of love towards God unless it had been sown in us by the sweet seed of His love to us. Love, then, has for its parent the love of God shed abroad in the heart: but after it is thus divinely born, it must be divinely nourished. Love is an exotic; it is not a plant which will flourish naturally in human soil, it must be watered from above. Love to Jesus is a flower of a delicate nature, and if it received no nourishment but that which could be drawn from the rock of our hearts it would soon wither. As love comes from heaven, so it must feed on heavenly bread. It cannot exist in the wilderness unless it be fed by manna from on high. Love must feed on love. The very soul and life of our love to God is His love to us.
"I love thee, Lord, but with no love of mine, For I have none to give; I love thee, Lord; but all the love is thine, For by thy love I live. I am as nothing, and rejoice to be Emptied, and lost, and swallowed up in thee."
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
So here’s the deal. Today I'm gonna start by saying that I will be putting stuff about my life here since I'm looking for a place I can share my life with other people and especially those who wont judge me because of who I REALLY AM!!
Im like twenty sumthin, light skinned, black hair, 5’5, and all the otha stuff will come along as we go, ama? So for tudei, lemme leave it at that then tutaongea very soon coz I cant ait to share with you hot juici stuff about my life…be prepared!
p.s. I just have to tell you. I hope I don spill so much beans mpaka at one point I become too hilarious or boring at the same time so plis…go ahead…blast me silly!!
Friday, May 9, 2008
I’m bare. I’m bold. I’m here and I’m all that! See the thing is I want to share all I am and all I have to offer to the whole world. I don’t know if its gonna go that far, but atleast I shall be myself here and pour out all my joys and my frustrations. So don’t be alarmed if you see some crazy chic going on about some guy and what he did or did not do to her! Soon enough you'll find out that I’m very open about stuff and will be willing to share it all – BLACK AND WHITE!!