What Is My Sexual Orientation?

What is my sexual orientation? My gender identity is clear right? I am female. Thats how I perceive myself.

But lately I have seen the above question being asked of me several times and I thought I should address it here now. But before I go ahead and give my views, and I hope this will be a short post, lets look at web definitions of several terms.

Sexual Orientation: According to Wikipedia, Sexual orientation describes a pattern of emotional, romantic, and/or sexual attractions to men, women, both genders, neither gender, or another gender. According to the American Psychological Association, sexual orientation is enduring and also refers to a person's sense of "personal and social identity based on those attractions, behaviors expressing them, and membership in a community of others who share them."

Gender Identity: Still, Wikipedia says, Gender identity (otherwise known as core gender identity) is the gender(s), or lack thereof, a person self-identifies as. It is not necessarily based on biological fact, either real or perceived, nor is it always based on sexual orientation. The gender identities one may choose from include: male, female, both, somewhere in between ("third gender"), or neither.

The way I understand the above, is that there is a BIG DIFFERENCE between Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity. I presume most of you already know this fact. There is no similarity between how you identify as and who you are attracted to. So if, for example, I am a trans woman, I (presumably) identify as a female and this is my gender identity and (presumably, not factual) I am attracted to males and this is my sexual orientation. (Forgive me for 'enbolding' so many words; I like stressing points through that and using italics.)

Lets now look at Lindsay. What is my sexual orientation. My gender identity is clear (as I have indicated at the top right tab on this blog), I am female. A girl. A woman.

My Sexual Orientation is STRAIGHT.

This is not news. Most of you already know this through reading my blog. I identify as straight. I am attracted to men. Interestingly though, as I had mentioned here about a lesbian encounter, I now think that there is a possibility for flexibility. Where now I see the chance of me being attracted to what I would call "masculine females"! Quite interesting don't you think?

But there is something that actually made me write this post. Its the assumption that men who date trans women are actually gay. And why do they assume this? "Oh, I mean...you both have the same stuff down there right? So definitely thats gay!? Right" I recall a friend telling me. THIS IS WRONG!! In all sense!

Here's the thing. If I identify as female, and I date a man, then isn't that heterosexual? YES! Yes it is! Therefore, the man I date would identify as? Straight! Right? So this blatant ignorance of the above is what sometimes annoys me. But I do hope that I make things clear now.

Sex is between your legs; Gender is between your ears.

I, and most others, use this phrase to clarify things. Get this, just because I have genitalia similar to that of males, it DOES NOT mean that who I date and have relations with is gay! If you reach your conclusion in this manner then it means you are calling me A MAN. Yes. You are in fact, insulting me. Making me feel bad. You cannot define my sexual orientation by looking at what I have between my legs or how I and my [male] partner have sex? Even if that was the case, do we then conclude that since even cis-gendered(persons who don't have a disparity between their gender identity and their assigned sex) females have anal sex are gay? What I am trying to say here is that you cannot define my sexual orientation by looking at what I have between my legs. Period.

Before I conclude, let me share this piece from Wikipedia (again!) that I think is quite interesting.

Some researchers (see BBL controversy) ignore the evidence of self-identification as women and continue to view transsexual women as men, labeling trans women who feel sexual attraction to men as "homosexual transsexuals" and to women as "nonhomosexual". This is seen as disrespectful to the women whom they are supposing to study; developmental biologist and trans-feminist writer Julia Serano labels this as part of a process of "trans-objectification," the reduction of transsexual persons to research specimens and sexual fantasies.

I just hope I have allayed any misgivings and any misguided opinions one must have had. I of course don't mind questions on this and I will say that this is my point of view and, as the saying goes,

"Opinions are like arse-holes. Everyone has them!".

*XOXO*

TRANSGENDER BASICS

I recently got a comment from a frequent reader who told me that he would want to know more about Transgender, Transsexuals, Transvestite, Gender Queer-all those terms that may be confusing. So here goes.

Transgender
This is an umbrella term for:

1. Transsexuals
2. Transvestites
3. Cross dressers
4. Gender Queers
5. Gender Benders, Gender Non-conforming

The main problem with most of humanity is that culture has taught us that there are only two traditional gender models; also known as binary roles.

1. Sex (body has) Male (penis) Female (vagina)
2. Gender Role (behaves stereotypically) Masculine Feminine
3. Gender Identity (identify as) Man Woman
4. Sexual Orientation (gets attracted to) Woman Man

Definitely, a huge number of people do not fit into these models. We must recognize gender complexities; that its vast, explosive and non-rigid.
Before talking about transgender, we need to begin by breaking down 'gender'. Its the critical piece in the word. I will use the above to break down.

1. Sex – Its the physical, biological or anatomical sexual markers. Strongly related to genitalia.
2. Gender Role – Its the social understanding of how we are in a gendered sense in the world. Its the public, social and perceived expectations of gendered acts or expressions. Something we do or something other people see in us.
3. Gender Identity – Simply the self conception/perception of one's gender.

So back to the terms.

1. Transgender – A person who doesn't conform or identify with the gender expectations associated with the sex they were assigned at birth.
2. Transsexual - A transgender person who has changed or is in the process of changing their physical sex/characteristics by undergoing medical/hormonal treatment such as hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and/or sex reassignment surgery (SRS).
3. Transvestite – A person who sometimes wears clothes traditionally worn by and associated with the opposite sex. Confused sometimes for Drag Queens/Kings.
4. Gender queer, gender non-conforming – A person who does not identify as a man or a woman. (Eg. There was this person on a documentary who was born female but felt that they identified more as a gay man)

Others:
Trans Man or transgender man – a person who was assigned female at birth but who lives and/or identifies as a man.
Trans Woman or transgender woman – a person who was assigned male at birth but who lives and/or identifies as a woman.

Stereotypically, most transgender people consider themselves as straight. That means, if its a trans man, then he is attracted to women and considers himself as a straight man. If its a trans woman, then she is attracted to men and considers herself as a straight woman.
Most of the time, transgender people are confused for being either gay men who dress as women full time or lesbians who dress as men full time. This is not so as gender identity ans sexual orientation are two very different things. In a nutshell, trans people can be gay, straight, bisexual, asexual, pansexual...you name it. It begins with them describing themselves as whatever gender they feel best then goes to identifying what sexual orientation they fit in.
Almost all transgendered people 'suffer' from gender identity disorder (GID) or gender dysphoria. This is a psychological 'disease' that describes what these people go through. Some people in the world are beginning to push for transgender people not to be categorized as 'psychologically challenged' persons. Others, especially in places where the Transgender movement is still very young, feel that that would make it far more difficult for them to gain rights and access to medical processes.

I could go on, but indeed this (in my view) covers much of the basics. In Kenya, the Trans Movement is very young. There are few trans people out there fighting for rights but it is growing. One of the founders of the only trans organization has made tremendous leaps in fighting for hers and her fellows rights through engaging with the media (Being interviewed my media houses about being transgendered and in Kenya), being actively involved with mainstream human rights organizations such as the KHRC, writing and publishing articles in mainstream news networks such as Pambazuka News, engaging with the medical fraternity like the societies dealing with psychology in Kenya, the Kenyan medical board, the big heads in the largest Kenyan hospital, enganement with legal professionals who could assist in providing frameworks for legal aid to trans and intersex persons regarding name change in legal identification documents and much much more.
She is a person that makes me want to do more for the Kenyan community in terms of advocacy and sensitization.

I really hope that this long long post has and will continue to be of great help to all that come across it and I also hope that people learn from it.

“Vivre et Laisser Vivre”

Gender Sensitivity-by Lo(Enigmaress)

I liked this post I saw somewhere and I thought I'd share.

Gender Sensitivity

Written by Lo Nyambok

Monday, 04 August 2008

MIRIAM RIVERA- MODEL Well, about a month ago someone had written a NOTE on facebook to explain how complicated it is to try pleasing everyone when it comes to GENDER ISSUES (especially in the US/UK etc). The thing is, everyone wants to be identified based on whatever gender they are- it might not necessarily be the gender they were when they were born. Trust me, it gets so complicated to attempt to get everyone happy and stay POLITICALLY CORRECT etc etc The main talk was about what should be incorporated in documents, as in: PLEASE CIRCLE ONE GENDER THAT PERTAINS TO YOU: 1. Male 2. Female. 3. Both. 4. Mixed. 5. None etc Anyway, as a person who is in the healthcare industry, I know how tricky it gets with people who may have had a sex change or prefer to be referred to as one gender (Say a WOMAN) when physically they are percieved as the opposite gender (Say a MAN) HERE IS MY RESPONSE TO THAT NOTE: Wednesday, June 25, 2008 at 2:48pm I took this multi-cultural class last semester and I thought I knew everything about everything. Until a student explained something on TRANS-SEXUAL (NOT TRANSGENDER, there is a big difference.) TRANS- GENDER being that its what the person perceives in their mind as to whether they are MALE or FEMALE regardless of what their physical body is perceived by the rest of us (feeling like a female- when physical body is male vice versa). They then like to be referred to as THE THIRD GENDER, BI- GENDER. (I am not an expert in that field but thats how I understood the explanation- I am hoping I have that accurate.) A TRANS- SEXUAL is then a person who is TRANS- GENDER and undergoes a series of surgical changes (I think-lol!!) Known as SEX RE- ASSIGNMENT THERAPY. They are usually asked to live life as the gender they FEEL/THINK they are (Male as a woman or woman as a man for 1 year) first, then if they can handle it, thats when the surgery is done. Lord have mercy on their troubled souls, I cant even begin to imagine what they go through. (As a WOMAN- I feel like a damn raging retarded alien sometimes KEYWORD: SOMETIMES), all the changing hormonal balances- makes me UN-HUMAN sometimes- but am sure its nothing close to what a TRANS- GENDER person goes through on a daily.) I respect everyone though, there is always a collective ignorant thinking where most people instantly perceives themselves to be the RIGHTEOUS people- who understand 'what GOD wants.' So people treat other human- beings like Trans- sexuals or Trans- gender as though they are Sub- human. People use the BIBLE and GOD to condemn other people talking about about its UNNATURAL to be a Trans- person. My opinion to such blatant IGNORANCE is that- if you think youre perfect, that youre the full definition of what humans should be, that you should be accepted the way you are because youre nothing but PERFECT... then what are you doing on EARTH with us mere Mortals? You should be in HEAVEN with GOD based on that PERFECT mindset. I always believe that if a person doesn't like what they see or hear, then they are not obligated to deal with or put up with a circumstance that does not suit them. People are so quick to judge each other based on trivial excuses justifying violence and insults using the LORD'S NAME and THE BIBLE. ASK MIRIAM RIVERA who was in that reality show; THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT MIRIAM (MIRIAM is 100% MAN & THE ONLY SURGERY SHE HAS GONE THROUGH HAPPEN TO BE THE BREAST IMPLANTS, EVERYTHING ELSE IS INTACT- ESPECIALLY THE ONE BY HER FINGER TIPS.) I didnt watch the show, but saw something about it one time on VH1- The Men were in complete shock @ the end of the show... I always stick to one main principle in my life- GOD IS LOVE- period!!!! Meaning the same GOD who took his time to create YOU (As special as you are) is actually the same GOD who also took his time to create Trans- persons, and we are all different as different can be but we are also unified by one CREATOR. Its like someone telling me that its UNNATURAL to be AFRICAN or its UNNATURAL to be A WOMAN (Wouldnt that be the most ridiculous absolute stupidity that anyone could possible ever say??? lol!) I try and imagine my reaction to that and its quite hilarious. I know that I used a super simple analogy, but its really that simple. They are who they are and choose to live their lives based on whatever suits and makes them happy, so why should I care or lose sleep over people who have nothing to do with me. Actually that was not even my POINT- my point as you can read from my 1st sentence is that I thought I knew but I didnt. This student explained to us that TRANS- GENDER/TRANS- SEXUAL people are considered STRAIGHT. (Now at this point my entire jaw hit the floor- I was too confused.) Meaning if a person perceived themselves as a FEMALE and believe it in their mind their minds that are truly FEMALE even though they have a "WRONG" body of a man- then they actually get attracted to a MALE. So if I a person feels like a woman inside then they will be attracted to MEN right?? (Even though all you will see is a MAN'S body-) So in that case it makes a person STRAIGHT, the TRANS- GENDERED person who has a male body will be attracted to your male body- because they - FEEL FEMALE. If you call then GAY then they get extremely offended!!! THIS CLASS really opened my eyes to something that I never even thought could turn out to be so complicated in a way. So as a health care provider we have to take all of the whole GENDER SENSITIVITY into consideration. Meaning, if a person walks into the hospital and my eye sight percieves a MAN but this person tells that "HE" is a "SHE" WOMAN, then how can I decide what room to admit them in? We always have females and males paired in rooms by the same sex- to provide privacy and psychological comfort. As a woman, you don't wanna be bending @ the hospital to wash you face in the morning, and imagine a dude scanning and zooming in upon your very bare behind through the open ended hospital gowns- RIGHT?? So who will you pair a patient who physically is a MALE but believes themselves to be FEMALE?? You CANNOT force them to sleep in the same room as a dude, because they will be traumatized!!! They need a FEMALE companion & FEMALE-ISH room to place their powder, perfume, make- up brush, make- up set, Toner, Cleanser, Bras, panties, thongs, nail polish, Chocolate, face massage, lipstick, wig, eye-brow tweezer etc. I still cannot figure out how Id handle that particular situation. How confusing is that? CONCLUSION; People should understand that GENDER DIFFERENCE is NOT the same as SEXUAL ORIENTATION- My other super principle in life RESPECT! RESPECT! RESPECT! I might not necessarily agree with a person's point of view, opinion, thought process- but I never DISRESPECT people for what they stand for and believe in- thats what makes LIFE- LIFE! THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT MIRIAM PT #2 On February 27 MIRIAM WAS HOSPITALIZED with multiple broken bones and internal bleeding after she was attacked and thrown from the 4th floor window of her New York apartment. STORY ON MIRIAM'S ATTACK SERIOUSLY????- How sad are we as HUMANS?- Attacking another person & gaining nothing from it? If someone does not like something about other people-people they do not know, people who are not causing anyone any harm or affecting other people's life (Your life)-Please, just let them be- SAD, SAD STUFF. By Lo (Enigmaress)