What is fear? According to my pastor, and other people I’ve heard before, fear can be described as follows.
F – False
E – Evidence
A – Appearing
R – Real
So as you can see, fear is not something real. It is meant to deter you from your goals, aspirations etc.
For me, I usually experience a lot of fear being the way I am, and especially now that I haven’t yet began my transition. Its really difficuly to ‘act’ manly when you know very well that it ain't possible! Imagine having to pretend that you are something else for more that 15years! Now I am over 20 so imagine that! Earlier in my life things were kinda easy, that is, when I was about 5years and younger. But when I grew older and I started to get confused, I used to be very much afraid that something would happen to me.
Like when I was in high school, in form one, there was this incident where all the school boys decided to eliminate all the ‘homos’ of the school; including those suspected of being homos. Now, I came to understand that a certain form four who had taken a lot of interest in me and another friend of mine(we were recognized of being girly, hence may have come out as being gay) was one of the ones in target. I was bewildered! I was so scared that the boys would come for me and beat me up like they did the others. Thank God they never came to me. I praise the Lord everyday that He covered my ass every single time!!(I had so many scary incidences in high school).
Nowadays, I’m afraid that when I eventually begin my transition, that the rejection I may face will be too immense for me to handle, but I always keep in mind this verse;
1Co 10:13 No temptation has taken you but what is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted above what you are able, but with the temptation also will make a way to escape, so that you may be able to bear it.
This keeps me hopeful and strong. I know I shall make it!!!
Thank you Jesus!