Tuesday, July 20, 2010

20th July: Three Months Later...

(In the usual way...)
Its been three months since I got my surgery and began taking female hormones. Gosh this will be short!

I guess nothing much has change in terms of the body. Am more or less the same. Maybe a slight increase in hip size but that could be just me. I am expecting more of that though hehe...I sure can't wait for that.

What's been bugging me? Dilemma. I know I said it before but with all honesty its still bugging me. I feel kinda bad when am hanging out with a friend, and more so a male friend, who happens to like me a lot and think I'm hot and what not, and even probably wants to date me, and not tell him about my past. Why?

Fear of the unknown. I am scared of how they'd react. Fine, I might have had it smooth with other friends and family but I need to remind myself that that will not be the trend always. Not everyone has embraced the new me. Even some of my relatives who are okay with me being around them still feel kind of uneasy when am with them and worse still, some can't stand the fact that I did this. They feel that I took the wrong turn, that I was too young, I rushed into it, this could have been averted in one way or another, that I spat in God's face etc. So you can see how it can really weigh down on me! Thus, I get somewhat worried about it... wondering "what if...". The unknown.

But...............I do hope that things get better. I do hope that I shall be able to tell the ones that seem to be understanding and are close to me and also try to be more at ease. I know for a fact that this was THE BEST decision I could have made under the circumstances. Do I wish there was an easier way? Who doesn't?

Three months later and I am even more at peace with life than before. Three months later and within two months I shall celebrate a years worth of transitioning! Three months later and...oh gosh...I just can't wait for a year to pass!

Wish me luck!



Veronica said...

Congratulations on three months! I bet the time has flown by. I know it has for me.

You don't want to be afraid, but you do want to be careful about relationships with boys at this point because of what you still have. Even seemingly nice guys can have weird reactions to stuff like that. I hope you can find someone who is understanding and will love you for the beautiful person you are.

Lindsay said...

Thanks for the kind words & advice Veronica.

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