I am in a dilemma. I'm torn between being me and revealing the truth about me. I have friends who know my trans status, I have those who don't and still I have those who suspect it. I am in a dilemma. My dilemma is them – the ones who don't know or I haven't told – finding out that I am trans. I have no clue how they will take the news. I have no idea if they will be fine with it or not. Its just so confusing.
Life has been smooth and okay of late. My job is going well and my relationship with A is simply great. As in...in a nutshell, step by step, the things I've always dreamed of are taking place. Just a few things I need to sort out.
My identity. As I said earlier, I am an alien. I don't have an ID. The ID that I have looks nothing like me, at all! I have applied for something called a Deed Poll that is to notify the government and the general public that from day so and so I relinquish the use of the name so and so (male name) and begin using name so and so (preferred name. Preferably gender ambiguous). Because we don't know how the authorities will react if I gave them a female name, I've chosen a gender neutral one. My two kikuyu names. That way, its easier to pass. However the process is taking long and am getting impatient. I still don't have a passport and I really need one. I like what Audrey Mbugua and her organisation are doing for us. She is making it known in the public that we, the transgender community in Kenya are being neglected and the current laws don't allow us to change our genders. At least we can change names. If only it were easier. Anyway, I shall have to wait.
On the dilemma issue, I will see how to sort it out. There is always a way out right?
p.s. Sometimes I just wish I could know what my high school colleagues thought about me back then. I wonder...