Hey guys,
Hope you
are all doing well.
I know it’s
been a while, a long while, since I posted anything.
Well, it’s
just that there's not been much happening to post about.
But this
time around, I have a few things I want to get off my chest.
First of
all, let me just update y’all on a few things.
I started
applying for my new I.D. back in March but its not been forthcoming. They’ve
been taking me round and round in circles and now I’m tired. I’m still
following up on it.
The hormones
are going on well, though I’m still kinda bummed that by boobs aren't growing
bigger L
Anyway,
the reason for my post today is BOYS.
Yeah, I've
written about boys quite a number of times I know… but its always an issue.
First of
all let me just say that for trans women, the ultimate goal is to look/feel/be
a woman completely and especially to the public eye. Putting it simply, it is a
goal of us to look so ourselves that no one can notice anything ‘off’. However,
not all of us are lucky enough to get to that point.
I myself
am lucky that I do. And with this comes some ‘shortfalls’. I'm talking about
being hit on. Yes, not the first time I'm talking about this eh?
So what
do I do when I get hit on? What happens when I've found a really nice guy who
likes me, thinks I'm hot and everything and even takes me to his room and
kisses me. What do I do when he wants to put his leg between mine? What do I tell
him when I refuse? What does he think?
Well,
that incident happened. And I just had to tell him. I sent him this note:
Hey,
I thought I should just tell you what's
bothering me and why I was so uneasy with you.
I am a trans woman. I was born with male
genitalia and raised as a boy. But I've always been a girl. I've been living as
a girl since 2009. I've had surgery to remove the testes and I've been on
female hormones for over 2 years.
Being trans is not like being a homosexual. I
have gender dysphoria. It means when I was developing in my mothers womb, my
brain developed female but my body developed (mostly) male. Its a
genetic/mental condition. I am happy now that I live my life the way I have
always wanted.
I had a rough childhood and early adulthood. I
am glad I was able to 'fix' things.
I haven't yet had the sex affirming surgery -
to give me a vagina. So I still have that thing down there. That's why I was so
uncomfortable with spreading my legs.
I don't know how this is going to make you feel
or how you are going to take me after this. If you feel offended that I didn't
tell you upfront, I am really sorry. Very sorry. Its not easy telling people
these things. You never know what may happen.
Hope you understand.
Take care.
That was
my email to him. He took it well; though I'm not sure exactly how he feels
about it.
See,
men, your typical straight ones, like pretty ladies with vajayjays. Not with
other stuff dangling there. It’s not attractive.
It’s
such a downer for us trans girls. A friend of mine is going through the same
thing. She had to reveal to this guy she was seeing that she was trans and now
he is having a hard time taking it in.
Both of
us felt that it would be lovely to just have the gender affirming surgery as
soon as possible: just to avoid such scenarios. But the surgery is so expensive
it is way out of reach for many of us. One needs like $10,000 to $20,000 for
it! Where on earth would one get such amounts!? *sigh*
Oh well.
This is our life. We are different. We deal with it.
XOXO
lovelies!
