Its My Life

Hey guys,

Hope you are all doing well.

I know it’s been a while, a long while, since I posted anything.

Well, it’s just that there's not been much happening to post about.

But this time around, I have a few things I want to get off my chest.

First of all, let me just update y’all on a few things.

I started applying for my new I.D. back in March but its not been forthcoming. They’ve been taking me round and round in circles and now I’m tired. I’m still following up on it.

The hormones are going on well, though I’m still kinda bummed that by boobs aren't growing bigger L

Anyway, the reason for my post today is BOYS.

Yeah, I've written about boys quite a number of times I know… but its always an issue.

First of all let me just say that for trans women, the ultimate goal is to look/feel/be a woman completely and especially to the public eye. Putting it simply, it is a goal of us to look so ourselves that no one can notice anything ‘off’. However, not all of us are lucky enough to get to that point.

I myself am lucky that I do. And with this comes some ‘shortfalls’. I'm talking about being hit on. Yes, not the first time I'm talking about this eh?

So what do I do when I get hit on? What happens when I've found a really nice guy who likes me, thinks I'm hot and everything and even takes me to his room and kisses me. What do I do when he wants to put his leg between mine? What do I tell him when I refuse? What does he think?

Well, that incident happened. And I just had to tell him. I sent him this note:

Hey,

I thought I should just tell you what's bothering me and why I was so uneasy with you.

I am a trans woman. I was born with male genitalia and raised as a boy. But I've always been a girl. I've been living as a girl since 2009. I've had surgery to remove the testes and I've been on female hormones for over 2 years.

Being trans is not like being a homosexual. I have gender dysphoria. It means when I was developing in my mothers womb, my brain developed female but my body developed (mostly) male. Its a genetic/mental condition. I am happy now that I live my life the way I have always wanted.

I had a rough childhood and early adulthood. I am glad I was able to 'fix' things.

I haven't yet had the sex affirming surgery - to give me a vagina. So I still have that thing down there. That's why I was so uncomfortable with spreading my legs.

I don't know how this is going to make you feel or how you are going to take me after this. If you feel offended that I didn't tell you upfront, I am really sorry. Very sorry. Its not easy telling people these things. You never know what may happen.

Hope you understand.

Take care.

 

That was my email to him. He took it well; though I'm not sure exactly how he feels about it.

See, men, your typical straight ones, like pretty ladies with vajayjays. Not with other stuff dangling there. It’s not attractive.

It’s such a downer for us trans girls. A friend of mine is going through the same thing. She had to reveal to this guy she was seeing that she was trans and now he is having a hard time taking it in.

Both of us felt that it would be lovely to just have the gender affirming surgery as soon as possible: just to avoid such scenarios. But the surgery is so expensive it is way out of reach for many of us. One needs like $10,000 to $20,000 for it! Where on earth would one get such amounts!? *sigh*

Oh well. This is our life. We are different. We deal with it.

 

XOXO lovelies!

YIPPIE! I MADE IT!

I finally did it! I finally crossed the hurdle! I made it through! Yippie! I cant hide my happiness. My joys. Oh the feeling! Its so great!

I finally had my operation done. The Orchidectomy. My two balls are gone! I could never be happier. Yea? That sounds surreal right? Someone talking about losing their balls (no pun intended) and they say they're happy. Well if youve been reading this blog then you do know that I have been saying I will or intend to do it for quite a while now. It was like an obsession. I took time because it had to sink in. I had to know the ins and outs about what the hell I was doing. I had to be sure about exactly what I was getting myself into.

How did it go? Well, I got to the hospital and changed. I filled out the necessary forms and all and then headed to the operating room. OMG! That room was huge! And I wasn't alone. It felt weird being naked even though I had the overalls on. It felt weird being without my breast enhancers and infront of strangers. I didn't know how they'd react. Good thing was that they were really nice about everything and even the assistant made a joke about it saying “now I see why you didn't want to remove your bra...” and he was smiling when saying this.

I was immediately dosed with general anasthesia and fell asleep right there and then. Everything went well and after about an hour and a half I woke up still feeling groggy and having some pains around my groin area. Its still there even now (5 days later) but its far less painful. The doctor made a small vertical inscision down my scrotal tissue and pulled out the balls and cut them off. The cause of the groin pain is because of the pulled ends of the 'lines' that held the balls. They receded into my body and formed a 'ball-like' thing around there and thats what is causing the pain.

So thats how it went. Why did I do it? I did it primarily because I wanted to save myself some cash! See, with my testes still in place, my body is laden with lots of testosterone and we all know that the primary source of that is the testes. So get rid of the testes and you get rid of the testosterone! Had I not done the op, I would be still taking anti-androgens and a lot higher doses of estrogen pills. Now that I have done it, and oh by the way, remember I kept complaining how I still haven't found those estrogen pills? I finally found them! So now that I have the Progynova (estradiol valerate) and I have done the op, I only need a small dose of the estrogen! About half or even less than what I would have required to take before! In essence, looking at an average span of two years, the no-Orchie method whould have cost me about Ksh.200,000 ($2,600) while now, just paying for the orchie (which cost me about Ksh.90,000 or $1,200) and the significantly reduced estrogen pills, the whole thing in two years will be roughly Ksh.103,000 or $1,375 !!! Imagine that! I shall be saving about Ksh.100,000 in the process! Of course thats not the sole reason, but it is one of the primary ones.

There are a whole spectrum of pros and cons about this op I did bur I will not go ahead and tell you in detail, I shall only list a few.

Bilateral Orchiectomy (also know as “an Orchi”)
- this is an out-patient surgical procedure for the removal of the testicals.

Benefits for Trans Women:

• Removes the main production center of Testosterone in the body
• Anti-Androgens can be significantly reduced or stopped entirely after the procedure. This reduces stress on the liver, and eliminates the side effects of long term Anti-Androgen use.
• Because of the lack of testosterone, a break in hormones will not cause back tracking, or de-transitioning.
• Can halt and/or reverse recent hair loss.
• Possible lessening of dysphoria, and increased body image.
• Increased ease in tucking and hiding genitalia under tight clothing.
• Possible reduction of testosterone dependant body hair
• Possible increase of feminizing effects from HRT
• Cost of surgery is between $1,300 –$ 2,000 USD in most states. (updated 2008) this is a significantly easier amount to save than the $10,000 – $30,000 for SRS.

Negatives for Trans Women

• Permanent Sterility
• Possible loss of libido
• Possible hot flashes or other hormonal side effects.
• If SRS is not completed shortly after, the scrotal tissue may shrink and atrophy, resulting in a possible need for a skin graft during SRS.
• Scar tissue may complicate SRS if the incision is done improperly.
• After having an Orchi one will require hormone treatments to maintain levels.
• Surgery always has its risks, including blood clots, infections, or other unforeseen complications.
• The $1,300 could have been used instead to save for SRS.

Its now about 6 days after the surgery and I am still kinda sore. Am healing well (hopefully) and I must say, I do feel so much happier! So much better and I just cannot wait foe the new results to show! I simply cannot wait. I am still shaving my face after every two days and thats one of the things I sincerely hope reduces or better still, vanishes completely!

Wish me the best my friends! Thanks for being there for me and for all the support. I couldn't be this good without you!


XOXO!