Its My Life

Hey guys,

Hope you are all doing well.

I know it’s been a while, a long while, since I posted anything.

Well, it’s just that there's not been much happening to post about.

But this time around, I have a few things I want to get off my chest.

First of all, let me just update y’all on a few things.

I started applying for my new I.D. back in March but its not been forthcoming. They’ve been taking me round and round in circles and now I’m tired. I’m still following up on it.

The hormones are going on well, though I’m still kinda bummed that by boobs aren't growing bigger L

Anyway, the reason for my post today is BOYS.

Yeah, I've written about boys quite a number of times I know… but its always an issue.

First of all let me just say that for trans women, the ultimate goal is to look/feel/be a woman completely and especially to the public eye. Putting it simply, it is a goal of us to look so ourselves that no one can notice anything ‘off’. However, not all of us are lucky enough to get to that point.

I myself am lucky that I do. And with this comes some ‘shortfalls’. I'm talking about being hit on. Yes, not the first time I'm talking about this eh?

So what do I do when I get hit on? What happens when I've found a really nice guy who likes me, thinks I'm hot and everything and even takes me to his room and kisses me. What do I do when he wants to put his leg between mine? What do I tell him when I refuse? What does he think?

Well, that incident happened. And I just had to tell him. I sent him this note:

Hey,

I thought I should just tell you what's bothering me and why I was so uneasy with you.

I am a trans woman. I was born with male genitalia and raised as a boy. But I've always been a girl. I've been living as a girl since 2009. I've had surgery to remove the testes and I've been on female hormones for over 2 years.

Being trans is not like being a homosexual. I have gender dysphoria. It means when I was developing in my mothers womb, my brain developed female but my body developed (mostly) male. Its a genetic/mental condition. I am happy now that I live my life the way I have always wanted.

I had a rough childhood and early adulthood. I am glad I was able to 'fix' things.

I haven't yet had the sex affirming surgery - to give me a vagina. So I still have that thing down there. That's why I was so uncomfortable with spreading my legs.

I don't know how this is going to make you feel or how you are going to take me after this. If you feel offended that I didn't tell you upfront, I am really sorry. Very sorry. Its not easy telling people these things. You never know what may happen.

Hope you understand.

Take care.

 

That was my email to him. He took it well; though I'm not sure exactly how he feels about it.

See, men, your typical straight ones, like pretty ladies with vajayjays. Not with other stuff dangling there. It’s not attractive.

It’s such a downer for us trans girls. A friend of mine is going through the same thing. She had to reveal to this guy she was seeing that she was trans and now he is having a hard time taking it in.

Both of us felt that it would be lovely to just have the gender affirming surgery as soon as possible: just to avoid such scenarios. But the surgery is so expensive it is way out of reach for many of us. One needs like $10,000 to $20,000 for it! Where on earth would one get such amounts!? *sigh*

Oh well. This is our life. We are different. We deal with it.

 

XOXO lovelies!

High School....

I rarely write about my high school days. But its mostly because I have mixed feelings about (1) writing about it and (2) the people who know me to read and look at me funny (don't look at me funny now!). But something crossed my mind today. And I thought I'd share. Interestingly, it has little to do with trans issues.

In high school, I was in the school christian union's music team. This saw me lead praise & worship during church services and be (on most occasions) the lead soloist/leader in the cu choir. But this post is not about that.

If there's something I noticed was that whenever we visited girls schools, (which I envied heavily!), and during church service, almost every girl was dancing and singing to the praise and worship session. But the boys, where I was, umm... half at least were interested, and mostly a half of that half were actually enthusiastic about being in church. The rest? They couldn't be bothered! They either sat down care free, or stood just so they don't be labelled as bad by other boys. And quite a number cursed the fact that they had to attend service. It was mandatory.

I never quite understood why. Is it a female thing? Or is it a peer pressure thing? I have no clue.

Just thought I'd share.

Have a pleasant Sunday.

Gimme A Name Change Already!!!

I am so so mad!!


This silly government of ours has decided to delay the process for me to get a name change. I have all my papers correct and oh, just because I am changing my name from a "male" one to a typically "female" one, they've raised questions.

I am tempted to blame the recent talk about gay issues in the country and sadly, trans issues are still being lumped together with gay issues and people still view trans persons as "extreme" gays. But I won't. I don't want to step on anyone's toes and be called homophobic. *sigh*

So the reality is that about five months ago, no, six months, I lodged a request to have my name changed. Its supposed to be a simple process that takes no more than two weeks for approval and a month to lapse after being gazetted.

They've refused. They're asking me to seek approval from some director and am asking myself, who is this person am supposed to 'seek approval' from? How do they know me? What is it to them if I am changing my name? I have no criminal record and duuh, ITS NON OF THEIR BUSINESS!!

Okay, maybe I am complaining a wee bit too much, but honestly, can't you see my frustrations? Lemme give you ten things I can't do now because "I don't exist".

1. I wanna travel outside country. I can't do that because I don't have a passport. If I go apply for one right now they'll tell me "you can't apply using your brother's documents, go bring yours"... oh wait, I have none!!
2. I wanna go back to school. I can't because, again, I can't use 'my brother's' documents!
3. I wanna open a bank account. I can't!!
4. I wanna travel locally using an airline. Can't!
5. I wanna invest my hard earned cash somewhere. Can't!!
6. I wanna start a business. Can't!!
7. I wanna go for driving lessons. Can't! You need an ID or Passport to get a DL!
8. I wanna buy a car... Can't!!
9. I wanna get into a certain society and save money for my old age. CAN'T!!
10. I wanna buy a mortgage for a house for my mom. CAN'T!!!!!

I. Am. So. Frustrated!!!!!

Want me to go on?? It is soooo freaking tiring having to lag behind and miss out on great great opportunities I swear!!!


Anyway..... next time you say trans people have it easy, think again! Okay, I take that back. Atleast I don't walk the streets of Nairobi during the day wondering if the person behind me will stab me to death because they suspect I am (fill in the blank).

I hope this stalemate ends soon and I can finally achieve the above ten. HUH!!


Nice day.

XOXO

Making Progress

As time progresses and life goes on, I am finding it easier and better to relate, be myself, be more confident and simply go on with it.

Life for me has improved. Its better than it was before. Maybe we established this already, but it doesn't harm to say it again all the same. Nowadays, I look forward to living. I'm at peace with myself. And I love every bit of it.



So what has changed? What's new? Well, for starters, I have gotten the chance to see some of the guys I used to work with. I saw them but they didn't see me. Or at least they didn't recognize me! I like that. In fact I think its very fascinating that my appearance has changed so much to a point where someone we used to see each other on a daily basis can now just glance at me at the stage and not even recognise me! Its amazing. It amazes me a lot. But then again, I love it. I love the fact that I am a new person. And that I can walk in town with less fear, if not none.

Unfortunately for me, the man in my life is struggling to embrace the whole idea. I don't like talking about him because that's the way he is. That's the way he prefers it. He is reserved and private. Therefore there are things that id want to do with him, such as go out for dinner, for drinks, shopping, on holiday together but it cant work. Why? Because he is still taking time to absorb and accept this reality. Th reality that the old me is no more and the new me is a reality. According to him, he still needs time to be ready to fully embrace the idea. Again, as I mentioned, he is a very reserved person and he likes keeping such stuff private, hence my not mentioning him everywhere! I don't mind it, I understand him. I only hope that one day he can be comfortable being out with me and not worry about meeting someone he knows and having to explain things. That's his main worry. He doesn't want to explain anything to anyone. At all. It may seem sad, but I understand him completely. And that enough about him. No comments.

In other news, my activism role is improving and I see myself travelling to places for lots of work. I love activism. I love spearheading change. In fact, that's one of the main reasons why I started another blog for my public life; to spearhead change in Kenya through activism.

The phenomena of transsexualism and intersexuality have been in existence in the world (maybe the west) for very long but has been deeply hidden in our country. Our country desperately needs a paradigm shift to change this scenario. It is people like me and my colleagues in activism including other LGB and mainstream human rights organisations to see us through. Yes, funds are there but its the manpower and will to see through change that is lacking. Again, invisibility of this community does little to spearhead change in Kenya. It is until we come out and show we exist that we can be able to begin influencing change in the society and in our Kenya at large.

I pray things start changing fast.

*Kisses*

Tribute to Our Beloved Kenyans

I decided to put this video here that depicts the unity we Kenyans want to see in our country. Its been three years since the PEV (Post Election Violence) and I just love this song for how it makes one think of Peace Love and Unity-the Kenyan Philosophy in the National Anthem and Loyalty Pledge.

Long Live Kenya!


Wakenya Pamoja by Kenyan Artistes United for Peace (right after PEV)

SECURITY!!!

My neighborhood seems to have become unsafe. I now really need to move. Why? Well its like this.

I started my transition just over three months ago. I never moved from where I I lived. That means that my neighbors and people who live or work in my neighborhood have seen me before; when I lived as a guy. Fine, they don't know me, they don't know who I am, but surely they know that this person lives around here. I have lived there for over a year now. Granted, when I began my transition I knew that for me not to have any squabbles with neighbors I should have moved. But getting a house in Nairobi sure is a lot of work and I couldn't jeopardize my work in my new job. So I braved up and continued living. For the first month and a half I looked kinda like my old self. Very little had changed. I only had my ears pierced and thats it. I still had short relaxed hair, I still wore androgynously, but I had breast enhancers on. I was extremely scared every time I went out. I hadn't changed much but now I expected myself to be female and not male and try as much as possible to be convincing enough to everyone and anyone. Definitely this look led to my being confronted by that hotel guard I blogged about here.

The second month saw me change my hairstyle and put on dreadlocks. The ones made with black thread. Again, I was extremely bold in doing this and going out every single day in public and still trying to maintain my femininity amid increasingly confused stares coming my way. I could see the neighbors getting uneasy everytime I passed by. They also would mumble words to themselves whenever id pass by. This still gave me shivers but I braved on. Still not moving. I really love this house. Seeing that I was not confronted by anyone, I felt that it probably was 'kinda' safe to live here and I should continue with my life bravely and not care as to who's who. I got encouraged to continue by some of my friends and one of them told me that I should be ready to face my fears. Again, probably where I would move to could be far worse.

In the third month I again changed my hairstyle. This time I put on a very feminine hairstyle; braids! The braids I have on are very feminine. They are curly, long and black. They give me such a nice look and I really love them. So of course this was going to shake some more ground in my home surroundings. That same week, I put on a skirt for the very first time. I had been wearing jeans and trousers all along. The second week came and I put on a skirt again. Third week, the same. The following day after this third time my friend and neighbor alerted me of something he'd heard being discussed by some neighbors around. It was about this guy who lives around and has started wearing skirts and like a girl! That was me! This was the first time I had heard that I was being discussed. And he told me he had heard it before. Chills ran down my spine. I was petrified beyond comprehension. That night I didn't sleep well. Neither did my mother because immediately after my friend gave me the exposé, I told her about it.

So this means that I need to move. And I need to do this fast! Fine, I still haven't been confronted, but I do not want to continue provoking them in any kind of way because one of the things that my friend heard one guy say was that the guy would make advances to me so as to try and find out if I really am a girl or something. I am now looking for a house and will probably move by the end of the year or early next year. I hope to find a good house in a good neighborhood where people mind their own lives and there are no nosy neighbors!

Pray for me my dear friends. Pray that I get a good house that I can call home. Where I can live as myself without fear of being ostracized or anything!


**HUGZ**

TRANSGENDER BASICS

I recently got a comment from a frequent reader who told me that he would want to know more about Transgender, Transsexuals, Transvestite, Gender Queer-all those terms that may be confusing. So here goes.

Transgender
This is an umbrella term for:

1. Transsexuals
2. Transvestites
3. Cross dressers
4. Gender Queers
5. Gender Benders, Gender Non-conforming

The main problem with most of humanity is that culture has taught us that there are only two traditional gender models; also known as binary roles.

1. Sex (body has) Male (penis) Female (vagina)
2. Gender Role (behaves stereotypically) Masculine Feminine
3. Gender Identity (identify as) Man Woman
4. Sexual Orientation (gets attracted to) Woman Man

Definitely, a huge number of people do not fit into these models. We must recognize gender complexities; that its vast, explosive and non-rigid.
Before talking about transgender, we need to begin by breaking down 'gender'. Its the critical piece in the word. I will use the above to break down.

1. Sex – Its the physical, biological or anatomical sexual markers. Strongly related to genitalia.
2. Gender Role – Its the social understanding of how we are in a gendered sense in the world. Its the public, social and perceived expectations of gendered acts or expressions. Something we do or something other people see in us.
3. Gender Identity – Simply the self conception/perception of one's gender.

So back to the terms.

1. Transgender – A person who doesn't conform or identify with the gender expectations associated with the sex they were assigned at birth.
2. Transsexual - A transgender person who has changed or is in the process of changing their physical sex/characteristics by undergoing medical/hormonal treatment such as hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and/or sex reassignment surgery (SRS).
3. Transvestite – A person who sometimes wears clothes traditionally worn by and associated with the opposite sex. Confused sometimes for Drag Queens/Kings.
4. Gender queer, gender non-conforming – A person who does not identify as a man or a woman. (Eg. There was this person on a documentary who was born female but felt that they identified more as a gay man)

Others:
Trans Man or transgender man – a person who was assigned female at birth but who lives and/or identifies as a man.
Trans Woman or transgender woman – a person who was assigned male at birth but who lives and/or identifies as a woman.

Stereotypically, most transgender people consider themselves as straight. That means, if its a trans man, then he is attracted to women and considers himself as a straight man. If its a trans woman, then she is attracted to men and considers herself as a straight woman.
Most of the time, transgender people are confused for being either gay men who dress as women full time or lesbians who dress as men full time. This is not so as gender identity ans sexual orientation are two very different things. In a nutshell, trans people can be gay, straight, bisexual, asexual, pansexual...you name it. It begins with them describing themselves as whatever gender they feel best then goes to identifying what sexual orientation they fit in.
Almost all transgendered people 'suffer' from gender identity disorder (GID) or gender dysphoria. This is a psychological 'disease' that describes what these people go through. Some people in the world are beginning to push for transgender people not to be categorized as 'psychologically challenged' persons. Others, especially in places where the Transgender movement is still very young, feel that that would make it far more difficult for them to gain rights and access to medical processes.

I could go on, but indeed this (in my view) covers much of the basics. In Kenya, the Trans Movement is very young. There are few trans people out there fighting for rights but it is growing. One of the founders of the only trans organization has made tremendous leaps in fighting for hers and her fellows rights through engaging with the media (Being interviewed my media houses about being transgendered and in Kenya), being actively involved with mainstream human rights organizations such as the KHRC, writing and publishing articles in mainstream news networks such as Pambazuka News, engaging with the medical fraternity like the societies dealing with psychology in Kenya, the Kenyan medical board, the big heads in the largest Kenyan hospital, enganement with legal professionals who could assist in providing frameworks for legal aid to trans and intersex persons regarding name change in legal identification documents and much much more.
She is a person that makes me want to do more for the Kenyan community in terms of advocacy and sensitization.

I really hope that this long long post has and will continue to be of great help to all that come across it and I also hope that people learn from it.

“Vivre et Laisser Vivre”

YOUNG , LEARNING AND KEEPING STRONG

As the days go by, into my last three months of my job, I am now changing tact. Indeed the words of my superiors made me think a lot about where I am headed and what I should do with my life and with my many talents. It came out clearly that I am immensely resourceful and have lots of potential to do great things and go many places. This made me think about myself and what I am to do with me. I know all the things they said about me, but to be honest, this transition has made my confidence levels drop! I have to be honest with myself. Something else I was told was not to blame my laxity on my transition. This is also true. Somehow I have blamed even my lack of sociality on the fact that I am a transgender and in Kenya. Truth be told, life as a trans girl in Kenya ain't easy. I know Ive said this before. It sure ain't. But once you get over yourself and start living, it can get easier. (My boss' tha best!). She told me that I knew that life would become more complicated once I began my transition and its a decision I made knowing full well the consequences. In all honesty, I have asked myself these questions time and again: am I on the right path? Is it all worth it? Will I trip, fall and turn back? Which life is better? This one or the old one? Am I happier? Will I make it? These questions all get answered somehow in the next few minutes after asking myself. I ensure I end up with positive energy and that I feel fine. I am beautiful and I thank God for that. Definitely, walking around the streets of Nairobi make m nervous, I am less nervous now than before. I feel more confident because of my new hairstyle. It gives me the femme look that I always yearned for. I had small dreadlocks before but even those still made me a bit uncomfy. Either way, just being a tranny in Nairobi is hard work and very brave!

So the day I was alighting from a bus and just as I stood up to alight, I noticed something. My 'friend downstairs' was peeping out! Somehow it had slid out of where I had carefully tucked it away. To make matters worse, I was wearing a tight short skirt! OMG! I was so scared! It was a good thing that I was headed for work so I walked as fast as I could in my high heels trying as hard as I can to make sure its not visible! That experience was terrible. Its happened before but only when I'm wearing trousers or jeans (I wear these most of the times) and so its usually not much of a scare. But that day's incident really freaked me out!

I began wearing skirts immediately I got my new hairdo. It somehow gave me the confidence to strut out into Nairobi looking glamorous in a skirt; something I had never done and had been looking forward to for such a long time. This was my third time out in a skirt and it always gave me the jitters. Mostly it did because I'm usually uncomfortable with my slightly broad shoulders and smaller hips and wider waistline. I have to admit, I was blessed with a naturally curvy body so I've always wanted to flaunt that. But seeing how broad my shoulders were made me a little scared. So I always make sure I'm wearing a jacket or jumper on top. I am yet to get the courage to walk in Nairobi with a tight top and bottom on, showing all my curves without being scared.

Something else that I still am very conscious about is my neck. I have an AA. Of course I don't like it but its there. So when I'm out in public I'm usually wearing a scarf, no matter how hot it may be because I'm scared of people noticing my AA. Again, because of facial hair and years of constant and frequent shaving, my skin below the chin is very rough and shadowy. Its easy to tell that I have been shaving and I have those razor bumps and the dark shades below my neck. On the face I hide those with foundation but having an oily face only makes my face look plump and shiny; something I definitely don't want to see. I keep telling myself that I ain't the only girl in Nairobi let alone the whole of Kenya who has skin issues and I should just be okay with myself and try to be thankful for what I already have. I also keep reminding myself that there are plenty of girls out there that don't have a curvy body and still have wide-looking shoulders and that I should be thankful that I have one!

Either way, I am doing my best and I am thankful to God for giving me the strength to carry on. I know life will be difficult but I am able to make it through and make it big.

No matter the circumstances I will survive. I will make the best out of my life!

Gender Sensitivity-by Lo(Enigmaress)

I liked this post I saw somewhere and I thought I'd share.

Gender Sensitivity

Written by Lo Nyambok

Monday, 04 August 2008

MIRIAM RIVERA- MODEL Well, about a month ago someone had written a NOTE on facebook to explain how complicated it is to try pleasing everyone when it comes to GENDER ISSUES (especially in the US/UK etc). The thing is, everyone wants to be identified based on whatever gender they are- it might not necessarily be the gender they were when they were born. Trust me, it gets so complicated to attempt to get everyone happy and stay POLITICALLY CORRECT etc etc The main talk was about what should be incorporated in documents, as in: PLEASE CIRCLE ONE GENDER THAT PERTAINS TO YOU: 1. Male 2. Female. 3. Both. 4. Mixed. 5. None etc Anyway, as a person who is in the healthcare industry, I know how tricky it gets with people who may have had a sex change or prefer to be referred to as one gender (Say a WOMAN) when physically they are percieved as the opposite gender (Say a MAN) HERE IS MY RESPONSE TO THAT NOTE: Wednesday, June 25, 2008 at 2:48pm I took this multi-cultural class last semester and I thought I knew everything about everything. Until a student explained something on TRANS-SEXUAL (NOT TRANSGENDER, there is a big difference.) TRANS- GENDER being that its what the person perceives in their mind as to whether they are MALE or FEMALE regardless of what their physical body is perceived by the rest of us (feeling like a female- when physical body is male vice versa). They then like to be referred to as THE THIRD GENDER, BI- GENDER. (I am not an expert in that field but thats how I understood the explanation- I am hoping I have that accurate.) A TRANS- SEXUAL is then a person who is TRANS- GENDER and undergoes a series of surgical changes (I think-lol!!) Known as SEX RE- ASSIGNMENT THERAPY. They are usually asked to live life as the gender they FEEL/THINK they are (Male as a woman or woman as a man for 1 year) first, then if they can handle it, thats when the surgery is done. Lord have mercy on their troubled souls, I cant even begin to imagine what they go through. (As a WOMAN- I feel like a damn raging retarded alien sometimes KEYWORD: SOMETIMES), all the changing hormonal balances- makes me UN-HUMAN sometimes- but am sure its nothing close to what a TRANS- GENDER person goes through on a daily.) I respect everyone though, there is always a collective ignorant thinking where most people instantly perceives themselves to be the RIGHTEOUS people- who understand 'what GOD wants.' So people treat other human- beings like Trans- sexuals or Trans- gender as though they are Sub- human. People use the BIBLE and GOD to condemn other people talking about about its UNNATURAL to be a Trans- person. My opinion to such blatant IGNORANCE is that- if you think youre perfect, that youre the full definition of what humans should be, that you should be accepted the way you are because youre nothing but PERFECT... then what are you doing on EARTH with us mere Mortals? You should be in HEAVEN with GOD based on that PERFECT mindset. I always believe that if a person doesn't like what they see or hear, then they are not obligated to deal with or put up with a circumstance that does not suit them. People are so quick to judge each other based on trivial excuses justifying violence and insults using the LORD'S NAME and THE BIBLE. ASK MIRIAM RIVERA who was in that reality show; THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT MIRIAM (MIRIAM is 100% MAN & THE ONLY SURGERY SHE HAS GONE THROUGH HAPPEN TO BE THE BREAST IMPLANTS, EVERYTHING ELSE IS INTACT- ESPECIALLY THE ONE BY HER FINGER TIPS.) I didnt watch the show, but saw something about it one time on VH1- The Men were in complete shock @ the end of the show... I always stick to one main principle in my life- GOD IS LOVE- period!!!! Meaning the same GOD who took his time to create YOU (As special as you are) is actually the same GOD who also took his time to create Trans- persons, and we are all different as different can be but we are also unified by one CREATOR. Its like someone telling me that its UNNATURAL to be AFRICAN or its UNNATURAL to be A WOMAN (Wouldnt that be the most ridiculous absolute stupidity that anyone could possible ever say??? lol!) I try and imagine my reaction to that and its quite hilarious. I know that I used a super simple analogy, but its really that simple. They are who they are and choose to live their lives based on whatever suits and makes them happy, so why should I care or lose sleep over people who have nothing to do with me. Actually that was not even my POINT- my point as you can read from my 1st sentence is that I thought I knew but I didnt. This student explained to us that TRANS- GENDER/TRANS- SEXUAL people are considered STRAIGHT. (Now at this point my entire jaw hit the floor- I was too confused.) Meaning if a person perceived themselves as a FEMALE and believe it in their mind their minds that are truly FEMALE even though they have a "WRONG" body of a man- then they actually get attracted to a MALE. So if I a person feels like a woman inside then they will be attracted to MEN right?? (Even though all you will see is a MAN'S body-) So in that case it makes a person STRAIGHT, the TRANS- GENDERED person who has a male body will be attracted to your male body- because they - FEEL FEMALE. If you call then GAY then they get extremely offended!!! THIS CLASS really opened my eyes to something that I never even thought could turn out to be so complicated in a way. So as a health care provider we have to take all of the whole GENDER SENSITIVITY into consideration. Meaning, if a person walks into the hospital and my eye sight percieves a MAN but this person tells that "HE" is a "SHE" WOMAN, then how can I decide what room to admit them in? We always have females and males paired in rooms by the same sex- to provide privacy and psychological comfort. As a woman, you don't wanna be bending @ the hospital to wash you face in the morning, and imagine a dude scanning and zooming in upon your very bare behind through the open ended hospital gowns- RIGHT?? So who will you pair a patient who physically is a MALE but believes themselves to be FEMALE?? You CANNOT force them to sleep in the same room as a dude, because they will be traumatized!!! They need a FEMALE companion & FEMALE-ISH room to place their powder, perfume, make- up brush, make- up set, Toner, Cleanser, Bras, panties, thongs, nail polish, Chocolate, face massage, lipstick, wig, eye-brow tweezer etc. I still cannot figure out how Id handle that particular situation. How confusing is that? CONCLUSION; People should understand that GENDER DIFFERENCE is NOT the same as SEXUAL ORIENTATION- My other super principle in life RESPECT! RESPECT! RESPECT! I might not necessarily agree with a person's point of view, opinion, thought process- but I never DISRESPECT people for what they stand for and believe in- thats what makes LIFE- LIFE! THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT MIRIAM PT #2 On February 27 MIRIAM WAS HOSPITALIZED with multiple broken bones and internal bleeding after she was attacked and thrown from the 4th floor window of her New York apartment. STORY ON MIRIAM'S ATTACK SERIOUSLY????- How sad are we as HUMANS?- Attacking another person & gaining nothing from it? If someone does not like something about other people-people they do not know, people who are not causing anyone any harm or affecting other people's life (Your life)-Please, just let them be- SAD, SAD STUFF. By Lo (Enigmaress)

A DAILY STRUGGLE

During the time I have been in this new job, I have had the opportunity to do lots and lots of reading and research on these trans issues and all the hullabaloo about transgender, transsexuals and transvestite persons. Indeed there is much more to read about and learn but most of the information (got mainly from the Internet) is the same and is true.

When I sat down and decided to write something to put into the blog, I couldn't help but think about all I had read about the struggles, pains, joys, sorrows, fights, love, hate, acceptance, rejection, and all that the transgender/ transsexual people have gone through in being who they really are. I draw a lot of my thoughts from the community here in Kenya and specifically from one activist who had dedicated practically her whole life including experiences to educating the general public (here in reference, the Kenyan public) about the transgender community in Kenya, about what they go through, their issues with the law in relation to registration, medical issues such as the lack of policies and so forth.

Im sure most of you who know me, maybe in person or just by guesswork know exactly who I am talking about and for those who don't, its easy to know since if you Google her name or just the words 'Kenya' and 'transgender' together, most of the articles are by her. She is eloquent, intelligent, can be difficult and downright annoying because she may come across as insensitive or arrogant but if you filter that out you are able to know where she is coming from. I like her articles, mostly because it gives the trans community in Kenya a voice and a chance for the willing-to-learn public to know and understand what it is we fight for daily.

In Kenya its very difficult to survive as a trans woman. Maybe its so even for other places in the world. I read somewhere that its easier for a FTM to transition than it is for a MTF. Why? Because basically the foetus in the womb when developing, is firstly female cum androgynous then if its a male, it graduates into its masculine state while if its female it just develops into the female from where it was initially. I have just put this in a very simple way and I am sure there are tons of mistakes and miss-outs. But I hope you get the point.

First of all, there are absolutely no laws that govern such incidences or persons. So we are neither supported by law, nor are we against it. It simply doesn't exist! As the activist I spoke about earlier says in one of her articles, it is important that we try and have some laws put in place to help out our tribulations. One such issue is the one of birth certificates and identity cards. Because most transgender persons grow in their birth gender upto adult age, they end up getting ID cards that indicate the name and gender that they are so against to but have no other choice but to accept. Secondly, even when such persons have discovered that they are indeed transgendered, there are no medical policies and/or guidelines that assist in the correct measures to be undertaken in such a case. For example, many medical practitioners in Kenya do not believe that trans people exist and hence, when encountered with such a case, shun it away saying there is no such thing, “these things only happen in the west”.

I have written a lot on what is going on and I totally forgot to mention what I am experiencing myself since this blog is supposed to be based on what is happening to me. But it would be very selfish of me to write all the time about myself when I am surrounded by bigger things than I can imagine.

As my friend told me once, “These things are bigger than you are. Its not always about you you you.”.
May have sounded harsh but its true. The picture is indeed big. My only hope is that the role I play, however small it may seem, will one day be seen as useful and eventually helpful.

We all have struggles. We just handle them in different ways.