Friday, August 6, 2010

I Wonder

dear diary,

time flies really fast. it does. my oh my!

okay. regaining composure. my contract ends tomorrow! yes. kesho. at least i heard good news. i have improved immensely and so am not worried. i just hope that what am expecting wont be too much to ask. can't wait tho!

i have been meeting really nice peeps and one of them has been touching my heart alot. makes you think about "if only..."

i have also been wondering what im gonna do about the blog. its like i wanna come out but then am fearful. its like i just wanna let it slide and flow on its own, i mean, kwani i have to go and spell it out on my forehead "im transgender!!". it aint none of their biz ama? seriously thinking about this tho.

the hormones. hmmm...where do i begin? its been slow. nothing much has progressed. maybe am expecting too much of it. the boobs kinda stopped growing. or maybe they're growing its just that am not noticing. i dont know. anyway, let it be. at least am taking the pills kama kawaida. its like how women take their contraceptives. its kila siku. morning and evening 2mgs of progynova (estradiol valerate). need them lots :D

still going on with that dilemma. you know, the one of wondering if someone suspects anything about me, the one of wondering if i should or should not tell someone of my trans identity, yea. still makes me uncomfy. one reason is because i dont know how theyre gonna respond if they knew. the reaction id get from them. wish id read minds... really do. but eeh! kwani? al continue being me. it wont matter. it doesnt matter. and if it does, then akwende. he can go his/her way ama?

and...still wondering about my voice. i really should stop wondering and worrying about it. i was told its sexy coz its deep. most girls are forcing i heard! as in they try lowering it. some even go to extreme of smoking severally just to make the voice go down some notes lower am blessed eh? hmmm...i should think of doing voice-overs or better yet, radio or even tv anchoring! just a thought! 

and there you have it diary. my thoughts for today.

p.s. don't ask why i keep changing the look. nakuanga hivo :)



benj said...

id listen/watch that show! serious, get a voice / screen test soon and see how it goes....roho juu

Lindsay said...

I just realised, my contract ends beginning of sept!

Anonymous said...

Sorry I didn't reply- ok no more excuses. I hope they renew your contract, good luck or you get sthng new, crossing my fingers for you.

I just realized sthng after reading a certain blog: is how some selected guyz/ gals in the pink community are brave, and you darling are one such broad.

love HH

PS I'll email but don't wait up LOL ok when I sit down again for a few secs
Have great cold Monday Love

Lindsay said...

Thanks Haiku, I ain't gonna wait hehe

Gay Nairobi Man said...

I think it will be really brave for you to come out. I raked my brain and wondered why I seem to know you..and I do and you know me too.

Not that it matters. I think you are a great person regardless and the decision to come out whilst huge is entirely yours.

On the hormones...I think boobs cant continue growing endlessly lol.. Girls have different size boobs right?

Lindsay said...

oh really now! hmm...well then you have my email. do sth!

boobs..imagine i have to wait at least a year to see any diff and then theyll grow to a max of two years tops :( yep gals have diff sizes and studies say trans ppl get to what the family size mom is well endowed hehe..

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