Boy Oh Girl!

A friend asked me why I don't post anymore.

Know what? I didn't have an answer. All I had were excuses. Oh this oh that.

But the main reason (the one I feel fits best) is that I no longer feel anonymous. I like the anonymity. Unless I convert the blog to be more public, more me, it just cant work. The only way it will (as I think) is

if Lindsay came out.

How is that gonna be? How am I gonna handle it? These are some of the questions I keep asking myself day in day out.

More importantly, how is my decision to come out (publicly)(internet-ly) gonna be? Because, then, people will know me, how I look, who I interact with and so on.

One thing I know is that somewhere in the future, be it in weeks, months or even days, I will be in the public limelight. There is a gap in activism that I feel I should join. And my colleagues also feel the same. But these are questions I'm battling with.

How will my family take it?

How will my 'friend' take it? Will he leave me just to avoid public scorn? And if he does leave, will I be able to find another? Or will I be able to remain single?

How will my friends (those who don't know about my condition) take it? Will they abandon me?

How will I take it? Will I be able to handle whatever publicity that will be thrown at me? Will I be able to lead the same lifestyle I have now? Will it still be the same? Will it be better?

How will the public take it? Will they do something to me? Will my landlord chase me away? Will I be encouraged? Will I be scorned?

So so many questions. One thing I don't like doing is saying out loud that something bad will happen to me. Because I feel that in some way, you attract it to yourself. But I refuse that. I refuse to believe that completely.

As for now, I wait. I hope. I believe.

Ciao friends.

*XOXO*

Getting Harder By The Day

nothing much happening. would wanna update y'all, but somehow things are not going as planned.

but not to worry. maybe i will bounce back.

you never know.

for now, this short post will do.

(update) lets just say am gone on sabbatical.

Sim Card Registration? Huh!

Our good Kenyan Government has decided to make life a tad bit harder, or better depending on the way you view it. They have launched a campaign dubbed "Get Your SIM Card Registered". And its mandatory!

It’s now mandatory to register your SIM card

Posted: 21 Jun, 2010

Mobile subscribers in the country have up to July 30 to register all their SIM cards with their respective service providers, the Government directed today. This Directive also applies to those taking up mobile phone services for the first time as well as those buying additional SIM cards. 

What am I gonna do? I don't have an ID.

Huh! Such frustrating times...

Dilemma

I am in a dilemma. I'm torn between being me and revealing the truth about me. I have friends who know my trans status, I have those who don't and still I have those who suspect it. I am in a dilemma. My dilemma is them – the ones who don't know or I haven't told – finding out that I am trans. I have no clue how they will take the news. I have no idea if they will be fine with it or not. Its just so confusing.
Life has been smooth and okay of late. My job is going well and my relationship with A is simply great. As in...in a nutshell, step by step, the things I've always dreamed of are taking place. Just a few things I need to sort out.

My identity. As I said earlier, I am an alien. I don't have an ID. The ID that I have looks nothing like me, at all! I have applied for something called a Deed Poll that is to notify the government and the general public that from day so and so I relinquish the use of the name so and so (male name) and begin using name so and so (preferred name. Preferably gender ambiguous). Because we don't know how the authorities will react if I gave them a female name, I've chosen a gender neutral one. My two kikuyu names. That way, its easier to pass. However the process is taking long and am getting impatient. I still don't have a passport and I really need one. I like what Audrey Mbugua and her organisation are doing for us. She is making it known in the public that we, the transgender community in Kenya are being neglected and the current laws don't allow us to change our genders. At least we can change names. If only it were easier. Anyway, I shall have to wait.

On the dilemma issue, I will see how to sort it out. There is always a way out right?

p.s. Sometimes I just wish I could know what my high school colleagues thought about me back then. I wonder...