I'M BAAAAAACCCKKKK!!!!!

I AM BACK BIACHES!!!

HAHAHA!!!!!

Did y'all miss me?

I've had such a great, difficult, exhausting, confusing and wonderful few years since I last posted.

I am now happily married to a wonderful man and we are planning a future together. We actually didn't think it would be possible to get married but since we are 'unique', we got it done! Yay!

I've also added some considerable weight! *sigh* It is both good and bad. I've been struggling with the weight issue for a while now and while I love that my body is all curvy and sexy and I look like a mamaa, I still battle with weight stuff and self stigma. I feel like I am overweight and that I desperately need to shed a few.

BUTT...

I am hopeful that in the next year or so I will manage to cut down my weight to a manageable and agreeable number. Pale nimefika imekua sasa kidogo too much bana..

ALSO...

We are doing great things in terms of advancing the rights of people like me in Kenya and in the region. I am sure some of you already know me in person but the rest sio lazima mnijue. My life is my life and I like to keep it private. Mnaelewa, sindio?

Keeping my life private has always been of prime importance to me. I've never wanted to be in the public eye. My friends like Audrey have always challenged me to at least do an interview or something...

LAKINI...

I am concerned about my safety. My family, my relatives...friends... and to repeat, my SAFETY! It isn't that I don't want the public to know about our existence, challenges, struggles and lives, but that I need to feel secure.

I mean, I live in a rented apartment! What if I am kicked out of my house? What if the environment I occupy is suddenly hostile and I am targeted, undressed, beaten, humiliated, paraded etc? What if?

What if they go for my mother? What if they fire her for having a daughter like me?

These are the questions that run through my mind whenever I think about doing a TV interview.

But DAAAYYYUUUMMM!!

I'd look HOT in an interview dontchathink? ;-) hehe

That is all for today..

Toodles!

Lind.

Its My Life

Hey guys,

Hope you are all doing well.

I know it’s been a while, a long while, since I posted anything.

Well, it’s just that there's not been much happening to post about.

But this time around, I have a few things I want to get off my chest.

First of all, let me just update y’all on a few things.

I started applying for my new I.D. back in March but its not been forthcoming. They’ve been taking me round and round in circles and now I’m tired. I’m still following up on it.

The hormones are going on well, though I’m still kinda bummed that by boobs aren't growing bigger L

Anyway, the reason for my post today is BOYS.

Yeah, I've written about boys quite a number of times I know… but its always an issue.

First of all let me just say that for trans women, the ultimate goal is to look/feel/be a woman completely and especially to the public eye. Putting it simply, it is a goal of us to look so ourselves that no one can notice anything ‘off’. However, not all of us are lucky enough to get to that point.

I myself am lucky that I do. And with this comes some ‘shortfalls’. I'm talking about being hit on. Yes, not the first time I'm talking about this eh?

So what do I do when I get hit on? What happens when I've found a really nice guy who likes me, thinks I'm hot and everything and even takes me to his room and kisses me. What do I do when he wants to put his leg between mine? What do I tell him when I refuse? What does he think?

Well, that incident happened. And I just had to tell him. I sent him this note:

Hey,

I thought I should just tell you what's bothering me and why I was so uneasy with you.

I am a trans woman. I was born with male genitalia and raised as a boy. But I've always been a girl. I've been living as a girl since 2009. I've had surgery to remove the testes and I've been on female hormones for over 2 years.

Being trans is not like being a homosexual. I have gender dysphoria. It means when I was developing in my mothers womb, my brain developed female but my body developed (mostly) male. Its a genetic/mental condition. I am happy now that I live my life the way I have always wanted.

I had a rough childhood and early adulthood. I am glad I was able to 'fix' things.

I haven't yet had the sex affirming surgery - to give me a vagina. So I still have that thing down there. That's why I was so uncomfortable with spreading my legs.

I don't know how this is going to make you feel or how you are going to take me after this. If you feel offended that I didn't tell you upfront, I am really sorry. Very sorry. Its not easy telling people these things. You never know what may happen.

Hope you understand.

Take care.

 

That was my email to him. He took it well; though I'm not sure exactly how he feels about it.

See, men, your typical straight ones, like pretty ladies with vajayjays. Not with other stuff dangling there. It’s not attractive.

It’s such a downer for us trans girls. A friend of mine is going through the same thing. She had to reveal to this guy she was seeing that she was trans and now he is having a hard time taking it in.

Both of us felt that it would be lovely to just have the gender affirming surgery as soon as possible: just to avoid such scenarios. But the surgery is so expensive it is way out of reach for many of us. One needs like $10,000 to $20,000 for it! Where on earth would one get such amounts!? *sigh*

Oh well. This is our life. We are different. We deal with it.

 

XOXO lovelies!

On The Other Side

There's a question that just came to mind. How does it feel to be on the other side?

I personally have no issue with myself; with who I am (duh!).. but what of others? How do they feel when they see me for the first time since for ever?

I can't imagine how it must feel like to meet me after 10 years, where the last you knew of me was that I was a boy. What's the underlying thought that crosses your mind when you look at me now, and compare that image with the last mental image you have of me?


I can imagine the shock, disbelief, confusion and everything. But I can't really tell how it feels.

All I can tell anyone that I've shocked and is as a result not yet able to even look me in the eye, let alone give me a hug to say hi or bye, is that I'm sorry and I hope you can someday come to terms.

What I know is that not everyone will embrace me. Not everyone will accept me. And I'm not just talking about my being trans, its more than that. Its about life and living. Every aspect of it.

Sadly, not everyone gets along. Its one of those things about humanity we may never understand.