I'M BAAAAAACCCKKKK!!!!!

I AM BACK BIACHES!!!

HAHAHA!!!!!

Did y'all miss me?

I've had such a great, difficult, exhausting, confusing and wonderful few years since I last posted.

I am now happily married to a wonderful man and we are planning a future together. We actually didn't think it would be possible to get married but since we are 'unique', we got it done! Yay!

I've also added some considerable weight! *sigh* It is both good and bad. I've been struggling with the weight issue for a while now and while I love that my body is all curvy and sexy and I look like a mamaa, I still battle with weight stuff and self stigma. I feel like I am overweight and that I desperately need to shed a few.

BUTT...

I am hopeful that in the next year or so I will manage to cut down my weight to a manageable and agreeable number. Pale nimefika imekua sasa kidogo too much bana..

ALSO...

We are doing great things in terms of advancing the rights of people like me in Kenya and in the region. I am sure some of you already know me in person but the rest sio lazima mnijue. My life is my life and I like to keep it private. Mnaelewa, sindio?

Keeping my life private has always been of prime importance to me. I've never wanted to be in the public eye. My friends like Audrey have always challenged me to at least do an interview or something...

LAKINI...

I am concerned about my safety. My family, my relatives...friends... and to repeat, my SAFETY! It isn't that I don't want the public to know about our existence, challenges, struggles and lives, but that I need to feel secure.

I mean, I live in a rented apartment! What if I am kicked out of my house? What if the environment I occupy is suddenly hostile and I am targeted, undressed, beaten, humiliated, paraded etc? What if?

What if they go for my mother? What if they fire her for having a daughter like me?

These are the questions that run through my mind whenever I think about doing a TV interview.

But DAAAYYYUUUMMM!!

I'd look HOT in an interview dontchathink? ;-) hehe

That is all for today..

Toodles!

Lind.

LIFE GOES ON...

When I sat down to write this post, I couldn't help but ask myself how come I haven't posted anything since last Monday. Its been a week. One thing that I remember telling myself during the week was that I really didn't have anything much to say. Last week was smooth and simple. Nothing much happened. But I will say one or two things that happened here and there.

My doctor had asked me to have an ultrasound to see if I have internal ovaries and I went and did it. Turns out I don't have any. Everything is intact, “just as a man's anatomy should be”, said the examiner. (I have paraphrased). Of course this wasn't something id want to hear. A had made a joke that if I was indeed with internal ovaries, he'd make me pregnant and marry me ASAP! That was funny. He's rationale was that it would be easy to convince people that I was indeed female with them than the way it is now. So too bad. At least I never put it into my head that the chance was high; I knew it wasn't possible. But I couldn't help but wonder how it would have been to have such. Could I have had babies at last? My! Its something I always dream about-having babies. Something I wonder whether I will be able to handle-motherhood. I tell my friends id want/wish to be able to get pregnant and experience the joys(and pains) of child-bearing; motherhood. But I am still young. Lets see what happens.

I had stopped taking anti-androgens since I was planning to have my Orchidectomy but I am now back on them. This is because I decided to post pone the surgery to a date that I would be comfortable with. January was too demanding both physically and financially. So in a few days I will also be starting my estrogen. I have booked an appointment with the doctor and I just simply cant wait for them :).

In general, life has been easy. At home there has been no qualms, I still haven't moved houses though I still think I should move (I think I'm just lazy!). Work is going on well. My relationship with A is fine; maybe even better than before since its growing more and more each day. My family is okay, I still wish I could join them for special occasions. Which reminds me, this past weekend I was invited to my two young cousins' birthday party and I simply couldn't attend. My older cousins invited me and kept asking me why I wasn't showing up but I reminded them that they are older and they know who I am now while the younger ones still have no clue. This also happened again last year when one of my relatives invited me for Christmas lunch and I couldn't go since her husband didn't know that I began a new leaf plus the same young kids also don't know. Which makes me wonder, how do I come out to these young ones? How do I explain to them what happened to me. How do I tell them that I really was a girl but I was dressing as a boy or some story like that. This is such a dilemma for me because it leaves me very little to chose from. Of course when I started my transition I knew that one of the repercussions of doing this was that id lose some of my family and relatives. Simply because they'd find it hard to accept the new me or just to lose the 'boy' they had once known.

This post, like the last one, may sound boring but on a lighter note, I did do something nice last Sunday. I went out!and one thing happened that I never expected. I was hit on by a chic... and i liked it! Kinda reminded me of that song by Katey Perry-I kissed a girl and I liked It. It was a gay party on a Sunday and turn out was really low. My spontaneity got the best of me and so I put on my stilettos and went there to celebrate with my queer friends. She was a butch lesbian and she liked me. She saw me in the ladies room area and told me how hot I was. Then later at the bar counter she came to me with her butch lesbian friend and told me “you're really hot. are you gay?” i reply, “well, i date men, but you never know about women!” Haha! I was laughing inside. It was really nice! Mama mia! gosh the stilettos hurt my feet! I told myself I'm wasn't going to wear any high shoes again that week!

**Great week Y'all!!!**