I'M BAAAAAACCCKKKK!!!!!

I AM BACK BIACHES!!!

HAHAHA!!!!!

Did y'all miss me?

I've had such a great, difficult, exhausting, confusing and wonderful few years since I last posted.

I am now happily married to a wonderful man and we are planning a future together. We actually didn't think it would be possible to get married but since we are 'unique', we got it done! Yay!

I've also added some considerable weight! *sigh* It is both good and bad. I've been struggling with the weight issue for a while now and while I love that my body is all curvy and sexy and I look like a mamaa, I still battle with weight stuff and self stigma. I feel like I am overweight and that I desperately need to shed a few.

BUTT...

I am hopeful that in the next year or so I will manage to cut down my weight to a manageable and agreeable number. Pale nimefika imekua sasa kidogo too much bana..

ALSO...

We are doing great things in terms of advancing the rights of people like me in Kenya and in the region. I am sure some of you already know me in person but the rest sio lazima mnijue. My life is my life and I like to keep it private. Mnaelewa, sindio?

Keeping my life private has always been of prime importance to me. I've never wanted to be in the public eye. My friends like Audrey have always challenged me to at least do an interview or something...

LAKINI...

I am concerned about my safety. My family, my relatives...friends... and to repeat, my SAFETY! It isn't that I don't want the public to know about our existence, challenges, struggles and lives, but that I need to feel secure.

I mean, I live in a rented apartment! What if I am kicked out of my house? What if the environment I occupy is suddenly hostile and I am targeted, undressed, beaten, humiliated, paraded etc? What if?

What if they go for my mother? What if they fire her for having a daughter like me?

These are the questions that run through my mind whenever I think about doing a TV interview.

But DAAAYYYUUUMMM!!

I'd look HOT in an interview dontchathink? ;-) hehe

That is all for today..

Toodles!

Lind.

I Wanna Wear A Bikini!!

I was responding to a comment made by one of my readers Brandi Rae on a previous post"I'm Jealous of Cissexual Women" Here's her comment:

Hi,
I'm so sorry for the extra difficulties, discrimination, and drama you must put up with just because you are trans*. But I wanted to tell you, that the people in your life who decide not to be close to you based on your body meeting their expectations...those are not the people you need to share closeness with. The people who will love you for the woman you are, regardless of the package you're wrapped in...those are the people you need to hold close and not let go. And they are out there, I promise!

I am a ciswoman myself, and I am naturally hetero, mostly interested in men, and I do love cismale anatomy... however, if I loved a man and found him sexy and wanted to be close to him, and then found out he happened to have a V instead of a P, it actually wouldn't be a big deal at all for me. ALL bodies are sacred, all intimacy is a gift and privilege to cherish, and EVERYONE should be able to feel sexy and desirable in the body they have.

So if you wish to have surgery, I hope you can do so, but I hope you're not convinced you need it, just to make a potential partner happy. I hope you would be doing it to make yourself happy.

Remember, that with many surgeries, you might not ever enjoy sex as much, or you may never experience orgasm again, due to nerves being cut or scar tissue, etc. So it's not something you should do just in case your future partner would like it better. YOU are the one who will live in your body forever, so make the decision for YOU. Besides, there are lots of people out there who have no trouble finding a body sexy, because they love who is inside it. I hope you do find them. I wish you so much happiness! Sending internet love and hugs! <3 em="">

My reply to her was:

Hi Brandi,

I think my fear mostly with surgery is about that - loss of sensation and sexual appetite and the like. I hope it doesn't go away since I do do want to have the surgery. And no, it is not for the pleasure of anyone but of my self! I abhor the way my genitals look, feel and behave. I want to be able to wear a bikini and walk around Mombasa beaches without a care in the world. Right now that is but a dream. I have won swimming costumes but it is a one piece with a skirt-like cover around the waist area - to hide any bulges that might protrude.

Thanks for the well wishes though! I know I will find love someday :-)

 While I was making the comment, it reminded me of how Isis King had a hard time when doing photo shoots that required her to be in a bikini. She spoke of how she'd 'keep everything intact' using tape and I'd think to myself "Gosh, I can't do that! Maybe use sanitary pads!" Just look at her before she had surgery:

I didn't want to show the pictures where she's spreading her legs (boy do I hate that! Reminds me of a time I was with this guy and he kept wanting me to spread my legs around him and I couldn't and he didn't know why - eventually I had to tell him. Huh! He wasn't interested! :-( )

After the end of ANTM, she had her surgery thanks to help from Tyra Banks and bam! She could do sexy poses such as these:

 We all know where we're looking at right? Yup, the crotch! I WANT THAT! I want to be able to spread my legs comfortably and not worry about a bulge or 'things falling apart'. And I want it so bad! Not for anyone, not for a relationship, but for myself. For me to feel COMPLETE.

I know it will happen one day, I guess I just can't wait anymore!

XOXO

Lind.