Thursday, December 17, 2009


My neighborhood seems to have become unsafe. I now really need to move. Why? Well its like this.

I started my transition just over three months ago. I never moved from where I I lived. That means that my neighbors and people who live or work in my neighborhood have seen me before; when I lived as a guy. Fine, they don't know me, they don't know who I am, but surely they know that this person lives around here. I have lived there for over a year now. Granted, when I began my transition I knew that for me not to have any squabbles with neighbors I should have moved. But getting a house in Nairobi sure is a lot of work and I couldn't jeopardize my work in my new job. So I braved up and continued living. For the first month and a half I looked kinda like my old self. Very little had changed. I only had my ears pierced and thats it. I still had short relaxed hair, I still wore androgynously, but I had breast enhancers on. I was extremely scared every time I went out. I hadn't changed much but now I expected myself to be female and not male and try as much as possible to be convincing enough to everyone and anyone. Definitely this look led to my being confronted by that hotel guard I blogged about here.

The second month saw me change my hairstyle and put on dreadlocks. The ones made with black thread. Again, I was extremely bold in doing this and going out every single day in public and still trying to maintain my femininity amid increasingly confused stares coming my way. I could see the neighbors getting uneasy everytime I passed by. They also would mumble words to themselves whenever id pass by. This still gave me shivers but I braved on. Still not moving. I really love this house. Seeing that I was not confronted by anyone, I felt that it probably was 'kinda' safe to live here and I should continue with my life bravely and not care as to who's who. I got encouraged to continue by some of my friends and one of them told me that I should be ready to face my fears. Again, probably where I would move to could be far worse.

In the third month I again changed my hairstyle. This time I put on a very feminine hairstyle; braids! The braids I have on are very feminine. They are curly, long and black. They give me such a nice look and I really love them. So of course this was going to shake some more ground in my home surroundings. That same week, I put on a skirt for the very first time. I had been wearing jeans and trousers all along. The second week came and I put on a skirt again. Third week, the same. The following day after this third time my friend and neighbor alerted me of something he'd heard being discussed by some neighbors around. It was about this guy who lives around and has started wearing skirts and like a girl! That was me! This was the first time I had heard that I was being discussed. And he told me he had heard it before. Chills ran down my spine. I was petrified beyond comprehension. That night I didn't sleep well. Neither did my mother because immediately after my friend gave me the exposé, I told her about it.

So this means that I need to move. And I need to do this fast! Fine, I still haven't been confronted, but I do not want to continue provoking them in any kind of way because one of the things that my friend heard one guy say was that the guy would make advances to me so as to try and find out if I really am a girl or something. I am now looking for a house and will probably move by the end of the year or early next year. I hope to find a good house in a good neighborhood where people mind their own lives and there are no nosy neighbors!

Pray for me my dear friends. Pray that I get a good house that I can call home. Where I can live as myself without fear of being ostracized or anything!



Anonymous said...

Okay you need to move, now especially that guy who's planning on makings a move I don't think that'll be a great scene if u stay any longer I wouldn't brave that either, phrase boys will always be boys I hate it they can get manic. Since you've started transition u have a new life get a new house. Hope U'll get a house soon. Crossing my fingers for you

Lindsay said...

I too am very hopeful HH. Thanks so much.

Monica Roberts said...

I'll definitely be saying a few prayers for you.

I hope everything goes smoothly and you end up with everything you wish to start off the New Year.

Amy K. said...

I wish you the best of luck in finding a new home. I hope you move before anything bad happens. Please be careful!

Denis Nzioka said...

As much as I think moving is a preferable option now, how long will you continue moving? Will it be that every time people get to know who you are and try to out you, you take up and leave? Trust me, you will have a whole lot of moving.

We need stability in life and one way this is accomplished is by having a physical location that we call home. Its the place we are familiar with; its surrounding, airs, smells, people, walls, streets e.t.c.

Another way to help you is by getting yourself a man who will move in with you and be your husband. Then will it allay the doubts if you are chick or dude. I for one, am more than willing to play husband to you. Imagine I love you that much! Of course, conjugal rights included. Lol! ((-:

Venom said...

You don't need prayers. You are a strong person and there is no supernatural force looking after you. Life is full of both horrible and sweet moments. Deal with it. But, good work and give us more.

Anonymous said...

I agree that you need to find a safer place ASAP.

Good luck!!


benj said...

denis nzioka...i thought you were giving lindsay some good advice...but on taking a closer look i have to say to you....get lost you f-ing opportunist!...apologies for the language lindsay..

Lindsay said...

Don't mind him benj. anakuanga ivo

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