Wow! Happy new year y'all! New year, new look! It took me about an hour and a half to choose this new look and here we are now! Yippee!
Its been a whole year and yeah its been great. Major ups and downs, and minor one too. So I wanna thank you all for the support you have given me all through the last year and I indeed look forward to a better time this 2010!
Like always, I have so many stuff going on in my head and several debates rage on about what to type and what not to! Ha ha! Still, I have to write, or at least, I want to write. Gives me joy and mostly peace. I do this, as it says on my “About Me”, to try and give my fellow Kenyans and the rest of the world a view of the life of a Kenyan Transgender. My life. I am glad that some of my relatives read my blog. Maybe the ones who don't understand what is going on with me or better put, what the hell I am doing, will someday understand and maybe, just maybe, accept or at the very least, tolerate more.
I have many hopes for the new year. I am, as you all know, continuing with my transition and it really takes a toll on you. So without a doubt, most of my focus will be on this. For one, I am looking forward to getting my prescription for estrogen since I have never began those. I am also looking forward to having my small surgery hopefully next week. I don't want to waste any time because the more I wait the more the testosterone in my body continues to work against me. It is unfortunate that this “work in progress” costs so much but then again, people have problems. Most of them cost money do solve don't they?
I apologize to all for what I am about to mention. I just felt its something people wonder and I wanna give my part of it. Since I am a girl, the thought of having 'something' sticking out of you instead of having a 'hole' is very disturbing; and thats just me using pretty words! I usually don't use the word “hate”, mainly because I am thankful for everything, but to be honest to everything and most importantly to myself, I just don't like that “thing”. I'm sure everyone whose read a thing or two about transsexualism and what it means to be a transsexual, know that virtually all of them wish to undergo sexual reassignment surgery. Like me and my FTM (Female to Male) friend, we don't like what we see when we look at ourselves and in simple terms, we wish desperately that we could swap and be happy. Echoing the words of my aunt, many wonder why someone who has very well developed 'organs' would want to 'destroy' them in any way. I always say that I also wish it wasn't like so, that I wasn't going through what I'm going through now, that somehow, it would have been solved in a different way. But the reality is that this is my life, this is whats happening and this is who I am. Just like no baby wishes to be born, no person asks for the tribulations they go through. Yes, some do, but I'm talking about issues such as what I have. I however, now more than ever, are a happier, joyous, peaceful person than I was before and I now do not have as much thoughts and worries as I had before. Life has much more meaning now, even though I know the many trials and tribulations that I will have to undergo because of my status. The many dreams that I have will be much easier achieved now but will be harder to begin. This is because of the environment that I live in here in Kenya. Until people know that we exist and that there is nothing wrong with being different, we will always have troubles and struggles to go through.
My Christmas was good. It wasn't much because I didn't spend it with family as I would have wanted to but still, it was lovely. There really isn't much to write about on that period.
My New Year however was really great. I got the chance to go out again (I say that because I really don't go out that much) and I absolutely enjoyed it. Some would say it wasn't much because I left the club at around 2pm but for me that was a milestone. I ushered in the new year in style and I wasn't alone. Some guy (who happened to be straight!) I met there made it worthwhile. I had my nice high heel shoes and my favorite skirt on and a bare-back top! Thats a look that you'll rarely see me in! Oh and by the way, girls in Nairobi will only wear a skirt if its tight and if it was way above the knee, especially when going out! Mine was neither nor! Ha ha!
In essence, I had a great time this holiday, considering the fact that I was at home, a break away from work, and most of my days were spent in the house relaxing. I also had time to spend with my guy here and there. Unfortunately, his line of work meant that he was busier than ever during the season and now that it has ended, our tables are turned. My work begins while his dies down. Either way, I am glad and thankful.
I could say more, but let me save that for future posts.