A friend asked me why I don't post anymore.
Know what? I didn't have an answer. All I had were excuses. Oh this oh that.
But the main reason (the one I feel fits best) is that I no longer feel anonymous. I like the anonymity. Unless I convert the blog to be more public, more me, it just cant work. The only way it will (as I think) is
if Lindsay came out.
How is that gonna be? How am I gonna handle it? These are some of the questions I keep asking myself day in day out.
More importantly, how is my decision to come out (publicly)(internet-ly) gonna be? Because, then, people will know me, how I look, who I interact with and so on.
One thing I know is that somewhere in the future, be it in weeks, months or even days, I will be in the public limelight. There is a gap in activism that I feel I should join. And my colleagues also feel the same. But these are questions I'm battling with.
How will my family take it?
How will my 'friend' take it? Will he leave me just to avoid public scorn? And if he does leave, will I be able to find another? Or will I be able to remain single?
How will my friends (those who don't know about my condition) take it? Will they abandon me?
How will I take it? Will I be able to handle whatever publicity that will be thrown at me? Will I be able to lead the same lifestyle I have now? Will it still be the same? Will it be better?
How will the public take it? Will they do something to me? Will my landlord chase me away? Will I be encouraged? Will I be scorned?
So so many questions. One thing I don't like doing is saying out loud that something bad will happen to me. Because I feel that in some way, you attract it to yourself. But I refuse that. I refuse to believe that completely.
As for now, I wait. I hope. I believe.