Sim Card Registration? Huh!

Our good Kenyan Government has decided to make life a tad bit harder, or better depending on the way you view it. They have launched a campaign dubbed "Get Your SIM Card Registered". And its mandatory!

It’s now mandatory to register your SIM card

Posted: 21 Jun, 2010

Mobile subscribers in the country have up to July 30 to register all their SIM cards with their respective service providers, the Government directed today. This Directive also applies to those taking up mobile phone services for the first time as well as those buying additional SIM cards. 

What am I gonna do? I don't have an ID.

Huh! Such frustrating times...

20th July: Three Months Later...

(In the usual way...)
Its been three months since I got my surgery and began taking female hormones. Gosh this will be short!

I guess nothing much has change in terms of the body. Am more or less the same. Maybe a slight increase in hip size but that could be just me. I am expecting more of that though hehe...I sure can't wait for that.

What's been bugging me? Dilemma. I know I said it before but with all honesty its still bugging me. I feel kinda bad when am hanging out with a friend, and more so a male friend, who happens to like me a lot and think I'm hot and what not, and even probably wants to date me, and not tell him about my past. Why?

Fear of the unknown. I am scared of how they'd react. Fine, I might have had it smooth with other friends and family but I need to remind myself that that will not be the trend always. Not everyone has embraced the new me. Even some of my relatives who are okay with me being around them still feel kind of uneasy when am with them and worse still, some can't stand the fact that I did this. They feel that I took the wrong turn, that I was too young, I rushed into it, this could have been averted in one way or another, that I spat in God's face etc. So you can see how it can really weigh down on me! Thus, I get somewhat worried about it... wondering "what if...". The unknown.

But...............I do hope that things get better. I do hope that I shall be able to tell the ones that seem to be understanding and are close to me and also try to be more at ease. I know for a fact that this was THE BEST decision I could have made under the circumstances. Do I wish there was an easier way? Who doesn't?

Three months later and I am even more at peace with life than before. Three months later and within two months I shall celebrate a years worth of transitioning! Three months later and...oh gosh...I just can't wait for a year to pass!

Wish me luck!

*XOXO*

And Life Goes On

in my urge to update my readers, i posted something i shouldn't have. so those who are subscribed probably found a link and then it went broken. i apologize for that.

basically things are going on okay. work is excessive. as in there is so much to do. A and i are going on easy. i cannot express how he makes me feel :) my social life is ish ish. not so much. the only thing, as i mentioned in my last post, that bores me is that i always am very cautious and wonder when and if its the right time to tell about my status. or even whether or not its important.

anyhoo...

sometimes i wonder if in 5 years i will look back and smile..

i bet i will!

take care dears, sorry for the reeealy short post!

Dilemma

I am in a dilemma. I'm torn between being me and revealing the truth about me. I have friends who know my trans status, I have those who don't and still I have those who suspect it. I am in a dilemma. My dilemma is them – the ones who don't know or I haven't told – finding out that I am trans. I have no clue how they will take the news. I have no idea if they will be fine with it or not. Its just so confusing.
Life has been smooth and okay of late. My job is going well and my relationship with A is simply great. As in...in a nutshell, step by step, the things I've always dreamed of are taking place. Just a few things I need to sort out.

My identity. As I said earlier, I am an alien. I don't have an ID. The ID that I have looks nothing like me, at all! I have applied for something called a Deed Poll that is to notify the government and the general public that from day so and so I relinquish the use of the name so and so (male name) and begin using name so and so (preferred name. Preferably gender ambiguous). Because we don't know how the authorities will react if I gave them a female name, I've chosen a gender neutral one. My two kikuyu names. That way, its easier to pass. However the process is taking long and am getting impatient. I still don't have a passport and I really need one. I like what Audrey Mbugua and her organisation are doing for us. She is making it known in the public that we, the transgender community in Kenya are being neglected and the current laws don't allow us to change our genders. At least we can change names. If only it were easier. Anyway, I shall have to wait.

On the dilemma issue, I will see how to sort it out. There is always a way out right?

p.s. Sometimes I just wish I could know what my high school colleagues thought about me back then. I wonder...

My Mornings

Every day when I wake up in the morning, I think to myself, “What a great day. Am so thankful to be alive!” Then I begin my routine. But there are things that I always feel bad about.

Shaving.

Just imagine! I shave like after every two or three days. I feel bad about that. Its a constant reminder that I still have some shreds of testosterone in my body and that I need electrolysis. Electrolysis is the best way to get rid of them permanently. Sigh. Its not a nice thing. I shaved today. And it always makes me feel bad. But anyway, the time will come when I wont shave no more! I just need to plan it through. It simply doesn't feel right.

Tucking.

This is actually something I do almost all the time. I know my transgender, transsexual, transvestite, cross-dressers and drag queens know what I'm talking about. Making sure “that birth-defect” down there is properly tucked away into your pantie never ever to be seen or felt or even thought about. I just called it a birth-defect. I don't like it. I also don't hate it. But I don't like it. It makes me feel bad. Always. Huh!

Make-up.

I wear make-up mostly to conceal my heavily blemished and dark-shadowed face. I don't like it. Fine, it makes me look very nice and pretty but I just wish sometimes I could do without it. Granted this is not a regret of just me, many girls (not just trans) have the same predicament. They feel that they're naked without the make-up on. I feel the same. I don't like how my skin looks like without it. And I don't like the fact that I HAVE TO wear it every single day. Sigh.


Yeap. Thats my daily frustrations. But you know what? Things are good. I cant complain. Heck, I should be rejoicing! Honestly! I am so glad things are good. Most of all, I AM THANKFUL!


XOXO

I Love You MOM!

End of June. Begin July. Hmmm. What have I been up to this month? Well honestly, as I have mentioned before, I am getting more and more cofused about what I should write here and what I shouldn't. Its kind of frustrating if I may say since I do want to write is just that sometimes you don't get that inspiration. I guess its the writer's block thingy. We ain't all writers anyway.

This month I marked the second month since I began my hormones. I feel great. Relaxed. Easy. Even despite a few challenges here and there, the feeling is good. I am relatively happy. My relationship with A is smooth. Sometimes I think being with an older person is better. I tend to think that I am way older than my age! He's a good guy. He's easygoing, calm, reserved, talkative, funny, understanding, very understanding and most importantly, he's got my heart. I admit I do love him. And yes, don't scold me for not talking about him. I don't think its important. Unless someone tells me why I should. Do we have issues? Yes. Who doesn't! But we get along quite well. He makes me happy and that's it. The only fear I have is that this feeling will fade away. But every time I see him the feeling is strong. Its like a thermometer. Every time I see him or even just think about him the mecury rises. And I have no doubts. Anyhoo, I am thankful and grateful for having him near me and being mine. I am also thankful that we are good and have a strong relationship. By the way, August we will be marking our 1st anniversary!

Oh my Mom! Mommy is great as always, even better sometimes. I cannot express in words how much I love my mother. She means the world to me. She comes first in everything. Then A comes next. They are the two most important people in my life right now. I don't know where id be without them! Please note, I am not dismissing other close friends and family here, I am just saying those who are closest to my heart at the moment. I simply love my mom. I think even that word 'love' isn't enough. Its far from enough. If she's reading this,... Mom, you mean the world to me. I know that's cliché but enyewe there ain't no other way I could say it. Lemme dedicate this song to you.

A Song For Mama
You taught me everything
And everything you've given me
I always keep it inside
You're the driving force in my life, yeah


There isn't anything
Or anyone I can be
And it just wouldn't feel right
If I didn't have you by my side


You were there for me to love and care for me
When skies were grey
Whenever I was down
You were always there to comfort me
And no one else can be what you have been to me
You'll always be you always will be the girl
In my life for all times




[Chorus: ]
Mama, mama you know I love you
Oh you know I love you
Mama, mama you're the queen of my heart
Your love is like
Tears from the stars
Mama, I just want you to know
Lovin' you is like food to my soul


You're always down for me
Have always been around for me even when I was bad
You showed me right from my wrong
Yes you did


And you took up for me
When everyone was downin' me
You always did understand
You gave me strength to go on


There was so many times
Looking back when I was so afraid
And then you come to me
And say to me I can face anything
And no one else can do
What you have done for me
You'll always be
You will always be the girl in my life


[Chorus ]

Take care people. And remember, love makes every difference!

What Is My Sexual Orientation?

What is my sexual orientation? My gender identity is clear right? I am female. Thats how I perceive myself.

But lately I have seen the above question being asked of me several times and I thought I should address it here now. But before I go ahead and give my views, and I hope this will be a short post, lets look at web definitions of several terms.

Sexual Orientation: According to Wikipedia, Sexual orientation describes a pattern of emotional, romantic, and/or sexual attractions to men, women, both genders, neither gender, or another gender. According to the American Psychological Association, sexual orientation is enduring and also refers to a person's sense of "personal and social identity based on those attractions, behaviors expressing them, and membership in a community of others who share them."

Gender Identity: Still, Wikipedia says, Gender identity (otherwise known as core gender identity) is the gender(s), or lack thereof, a person self-identifies as. It is not necessarily based on biological fact, either real or perceived, nor is it always based on sexual orientation. The gender identities one may choose from include: male, female, both, somewhere in between ("third gender"), or neither.

The way I understand the above, is that there is a BIG DIFFERENCE between Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity. I presume most of you already know this fact. There is no similarity between how you identify as and who you are attracted to. So if, for example, I am a trans woman, I (presumably) identify as a female and this is my gender identity and (presumably, not factual) I am attracted to males and this is my sexual orientation. (Forgive me for 'enbolding' so many words; I like stressing points through that and using italics.)

Lets now look at Lindsay. What is my sexual orientation. My gender identity is clear (as I have indicated at the top right tab on this blog), I am female. A girl. A woman.

My Sexual Orientation is STRAIGHT.

This is not news. Most of you already know this through reading my blog. I identify as straight. I am attracted to men. Interestingly though, as I had mentioned here about a lesbian encounter, I now think that there is a possibility for flexibility. Where now I see the chance of me being attracted to what I would call "masculine females"! Quite interesting don't you think?

But there is something that actually made me write this post. Its the assumption that men who date trans women are actually gay. And why do they assume this? "Oh, I mean...you both have the same stuff down there right? So definitely thats gay!? Right" I recall a friend telling me. THIS IS WRONG!! In all sense!

Here's the thing. If I identify as female, and I date a man, then isn't that heterosexual? YES! Yes it is! Therefore, the man I date would identify as? Straight! Right? So this blatant ignorance of the above is what sometimes annoys me. But I do hope that I make things clear now.

Sex is between your legs; Gender is between your ears.

I, and most others, use this phrase to clarify things. Get this, just because I have genitalia similar to that of males, it DOES NOT mean that who I date and have relations with is gay! If you reach your conclusion in this manner then it means you are calling me A MAN. Yes. You are in fact, insulting me. Making me feel bad. You cannot define my sexual orientation by looking at what I have between my legs or how I and my [male] partner have sex? Even if that was the case, do we then conclude that since even cis-gendered(persons who don't have a disparity between their gender identity and their assigned sex) females have anal sex are gay? What I am trying to say here is that you cannot define my sexual orientation by looking at what I have between my legs. Period.

Before I conclude, let me share this piece from Wikipedia (again!) that I think is quite interesting.

Some researchers (see BBL controversy) ignore the evidence of self-identification as women and continue to view transsexual women as men, labeling trans women who feel sexual attraction to men as "homosexual transsexuals" and to women as "nonhomosexual". This is seen as disrespectful to the women whom they are supposing to study; developmental biologist and trans-feminist writer Julia Serano labels this as part of a process of "trans-objectification," the reduction of transsexual persons to research specimens and sexual fantasies.

I just hope I have allayed any misgivings and any misguided opinions one must have had. I of course don't mind questions on this and I will say that this is my point of view and, as the saying goes,

"Opinions are like arse-holes. Everyone has them!".

*XOXO*

20th June: Two Months Later...

Its been two months since I began taking Progynova (Estradiol Valerate), the female hormones.

And what do I have to show for it? Well to be honest not much has changed since last month.
I still am growing my breasts. The nipples are very itchy and sensitive so anyone who knows me may at one point see me pressing against my breasts since they are itchy! (I cant believe the things I am typing! Jeez!)

My face and skin is still getting smoother, I am much more calmer than ever even under serious duress (work stuff)! I am trying to maintain calm on that one.

I am still very active libido-wise so thats a non issue. Somehow, I feel embarrassed to talk about such stuff on my blog and I cant help wonder why yet I have written about it before! Anyhoo, thats the case. Surprisingly, this post will be relatively short.



Now, let me ask you my audience and readers, do you have a burning question you would like to ask me? Is there something pressing that you would want to know about me or maybe about being a transsexual in Kenya?

Please feel free to send them to me. I am gonna answer all of them ALL OF THEM! And honestly too (I think!).

*XOXO*

Aaaargh!!!!

This is my current state of mind.

Atleast I was yesterday. Now, enyewe, its something else.

Like a ray of hope.

Something like this.

Fab week everyone.

*XOXO*

A Trans In Uganda (BorrowedPost)

Friday, November 21, 2008

A Trans in Uganda [Gay Uganda]



Like it is worldwide, the travails of a Trans are that much more arduous than a gay man. Or a lesbian. From today's monitor.

Tororo’s man who loves to be a woman

Augustine Emojong

Tororo

A Tororo man who was in 2006 arrested for assault wont stop wanting to be a woman.

Popularly known as Fatuma Segiyirira, the impersonator fought over a man with another woman at Nagongera township in a bar where ‘she’ worked as a barmaid. Segiyirira was taken to Tororo Central Police Station where ‘she’ was kept in the female cells.

Segiyirira was then produced in court on charges of assault and sent to Morukatipe Prison where he was also kept in a female inmates’ wing. He was later discovered to be a man after he reportedly started threatening to infect fellow female inmates with HIV/Aids. The Police added another charge of impersonation and he was returned to Morukatipe Prison in the male wing.

After serving a one-year sentence, he was recently released. The detention appears not to have change him. Segiyirira had been on the loose again until last week when his luck ran out for the second time. He had been to Mudakori Trading Centre in Tororo where she had camped looking for a job of a barmaid.

This time round, he called herself Margaret.

Residents told Daily Monitor that after spending some days in the area, he had attracted the attention of many men. He allegedly conned many of men and declined to have sex with them, pretending that he was in his menstrual periods. His luck ran out last weekwhen a curious young man tried to touch his ‘breasts’ at a drinking joint, only to get amused when a sponge fell down.

The LC1 Chairperson, Mrs Angella Okello and other women, took him to a separate house to check and ascertain his gender but were shocked to discover that he was a mature man. Drama then ensued as he was stripped and beaten by angry residents who forced him to walk naked for over the 5km stretch to Tororo Central Police Station.

Hundreds of curious onlookers thronged the streets to see the great woman who had turned into a man.

While being stripped, Segiyirira was found to have tied his manhood with a string, passed it between his legs and tied the string at the back of his waist to convince everyone. Some of those she had gone with say he used to smear tomato sauce on his panties to always deceive the men that he was in his monthly periods after drinking their beers and being offered some cash.

The Tororo District police Commander, Mr Gaudencio Okumu, told Daily Monitor on Monday that it was very unfortunate that Fatuma had continued with the same character after being released from prison. “We are finalising the charge sheets and he will be taken to court again on charges of impersonation and other charges which we shall find appropriate,” said Mr Okumu.

---
An exercise in futility?


I had stopped myself from commenting about Segiyirira- but that has been short lived. What crime has this lady committed? Daring to dress like a woman. Deceiving her acquitances. Those seem to be the most heinous crimes, according to the article. And what has been the punishment, which the community meted out fast and furiously?
A not so public check to confirm the genital sex.
A public beating.
Paraded naked, for 5 good kilometres
Jailed. Was there any mention of bail or police bond?
To court soon, charge- impersonation. Of a woman. (Any woman!!!)


The police commander is not happy. Second time offender, so more charges, he adds grimly.
The price of ignorance. Why should a man dress as a woman? Why would one risk one’s very life to do that? As a gay man in Uganda, I realize that I am fine in a way. For a long time, and at great cost to myself, I have learnt to hide. It is simply a necessity of survival. I hide so well that I can get lost in my own deception.
A trans person in Uganda is more disadvantaged. Much more disadvantaged, and Segiyirira has paid the price. It could as easily have become a lynch mob.


Being what I am, I cant help thinking that all these things were crimes committed by society and the state against the individual... but then, I am biased.


gug



Posted by gayuganda at 12:07 PM