2010: My Best Year EVER!!!

I just realised that the year has gone and I have not paid proper tribute to it.

You have to realise that 2010 for me, was THE BEST YEAR of my life!!

Lets just walk through it and we see.

January was the time I finally went to the doctor to get checked, was worried about dealing with repercussions of transition.

February came and I was moving, oh the drama! Then came the time I was worried about losing my job. Life in March was getting better.

April was the month I had my Orchidectomy! In May there was me enjoying my life even more, and in June I blogged about my sexuality and about just how much my Mum means to me :)

July and August passed... September saw me reminisce on the day I said "enough is enough", October came, November too and in December I met most of my family for the first time. What a day that was!

And there it is. 2010 laid bare. And damn was it good! It saw the real me come out properly; like a blossoming flower, blooming and letting loose! Oh am so happy!!!

So far so good. I am more and more thankful. Beyond being at peace with myself and I could never be any more grateful for this opportunity.

My focus now is to see others in my position, or who are still wondering what,when,how,why,who and see if I can do something. Because I want this for someone else too.

*XOXO*

Getting Harder By The Day

nothing much happening. would wanna update y'all, but somehow things are not going as planned.

but not to worry. maybe i will bounce back.

you never know.

for now, this short post will do.

(update) lets just say am gone on sabbatical.

I Love You MOM!

End of June. Begin July. Hmmm. What have I been up to this month? Well honestly, as I have mentioned before, I am getting more and more cofused about what I should write here and what I shouldn't. Its kind of frustrating if I may say since I do want to write is just that sometimes you don't get that inspiration. I guess its the writer's block thingy. We ain't all writers anyway.

This month I marked the second month since I began my hormones. I feel great. Relaxed. Easy. Even despite a few challenges here and there, the feeling is good. I am relatively happy. My relationship with A is smooth. Sometimes I think being with an older person is better. I tend to think that I am way older than my age! He's a good guy. He's easygoing, calm, reserved, talkative, funny, understanding, very understanding and most importantly, he's got my heart. I admit I do love him. And yes, don't scold me for not talking about him. I don't think its important. Unless someone tells me why I should. Do we have issues? Yes. Who doesn't! But we get along quite well. He makes me happy and that's it. The only fear I have is that this feeling will fade away. But every time I see him the feeling is strong. Its like a thermometer. Every time I see him or even just think about him the mecury rises. And I have no doubts. Anyhoo, I am thankful and grateful for having him near me and being mine. I am also thankful that we are good and have a strong relationship. By the way, August we will be marking our 1st anniversary!

Oh my Mom! Mommy is great as always, even better sometimes. I cannot express in words how much I love my mother. She means the world to me. She comes first in everything. Then A comes next. They are the two most important people in my life right now. I don't know where id be without them! Please note, I am not dismissing other close friends and family here, I am just saying those who are closest to my heart at the moment. I simply love my mom. I think even that word 'love' isn't enough. Its far from enough. If she's reading this,... Mom, you mean the world to me. I know that's cliché but enyewe there ain't no other way I could say it. Lemme dedicate this song to you.

A Song For Mama
You taught me everything
And everything you've given me
I always keep it inside
You're the driving force in my life, yeah


There isn't anything
Or anyone I can be
And it just wouldn't feel right
If I didn't have you by my side


You were there for me to love and care for me
When skies were grey
Whenever I was down
You were always there to comfort me
And no one else can be what you have been to me
You'll always be you always will be the girl
In my life for all times




[Chorus: ]
Mama, mama you know I love you
Oh you know I love you
Mama, mama you're the queen of my heart
Your love is like
Tears from the stars
Mama, I just want you to know
Lovin' you is like food to my soul


You're always down for me
Have always been around for me even when I was bad
You showed me right from my wrong
Yes you did


And you took up for me
When everyone was downin' me
You always did understand
You gave me strength to go on


There was so many times
Looking back when I was so afraid
And then you come to me
And say to me I can face anything
And no one else can do
What you have done for me
You'll always be
You will always be the girl in my life


[Chorus ]

Take care people. And remember, love makes every difference!

Oh Well

its been a while. and i am posting this directly into the posting area so the writing is not ‘done properly’ but atleast the words are here.

and the reason why i insist on doing this is not to limit myself to copy pasting stuff. yea...thats basically it.

so basically i am bored. bored because i cant seem to get myself to write something comprehensible. a friend of mine says she has the same problem so it seems am not alone…

being trans is hard. make up in the morning to conceal that famous 5 oclock shadow…boob enhancers….tight undies…all that crap in dressing…and every time being carefull to look around wondering if someone knows youre trans…puh!

i sometimes wonder how easy it would have been had i been born okay.

huh!

Updates.

The last time I posted anything about me was a while a go and so this one is as the title reads: an update. As I also said in one of my recent posts, life has been just so so. Not much happening to write home about. That it, any way related to trans life. But then again, I am a girl and I do lead a life and therefore that’s something to write home about. And who better to understand my life that the people who read my blog?

I am glad that the org. that I work with decided to keep me for a while longer. I am happy for that and I could never be more grateful. The work is the same although it will increase with time and I will also have to do better than before in order to make me relevant. General work life hasn’t been much but its all good.

I have been spending a lot of time on social networks lately and funny, my focus shifted from facebook to twitter! The amount of tweeting I have been doing is a lot! The experience is good and if you ask me, I kinda prefer it more than facebook although the latter does have more integrations than the former. I still love facebook even then.

Nowadays, my focus is on living my near-boring life and carrying on with it. I still do get some stares and whispers behind my back but somehow I tend not to notice them anymore or just notice very little of them. All the same, they will never go away. People will always have something to say about me and you know what? I am very very glad and happy and thankful that I am able to ‘pass’ easily and without raising too many eyebrows. Very few people have a clue about my transgender identity and I even get hit on and winked at! It’s really cool. Such a nice feeling.

If there is one thing that I really appreciate and like nowadays is how seamlessly people refer to me as ‘she’ and ‘her’ and all other female pronouns. It’s so nice. Such a nice feeling I tell you! Even when my relative the other day referred to me as ‘he’ it didn’t bite me that much. I let it go. And more so, I nowadays don’t get irritated when people use those male pronouns on me. I am okay the way I am and I present as such so, such wont deter me at all. And besides, chances are that if that person uses such a pronoun, s/he will immediately correct his/herself or be corrected by someone else.

I was recently thinking about my former workmates and how I miss them when I saw a picture of some of them receiving company vehicles in the dailies. I hit me that I may have misjudged some of them by cutting them all off without giving any of them the benefit of a doubt. Maybe some of them would understand me, maybe even accept and interact with me. I don’t know that for now, but lets see what happens when one of them calls me later this weekend. I still don’t trust them. It can be hard for them you know.

Something else that makes me sad is the fact that it’s been a while since I saw my cousins. Most of them are younger than I am and therefore I don’t think they would even understand what the **** I am doing to myself! They'd think I’m crazy or something! Also remembering that not all of the older relatives of mine quite agree with my decision. But then again sometimes when I look at this I ask myself, what is it this thing I did to myself? Did I wake up one day and decide to become a girl? Did I do something to myself?

So there. My thoughts so far. Life isn’t so glamorous that I can be writing every single day about it. So far all I can say is that, I am still planning to go for the minor surgery, then after that I can purchase the estrogen pills. Which reminds me, the extension of my contract came with a medical cover and too bad one of the disallowed costs is hormone replacement therapy. Aww snap!


*XOXO*