Friday, August 14, 2009

DREAMS FROM MY HEART

Hi y’all. Hope you missed me!
I felt that I needed to offload some of the stuff that has been going on in my mind lately. I've got so much to share yet I don’t want it to be like I'm telling the whole world my ‘nakedness’. (I hope you get me).
It’s Friday and I’m at the peak of my scratching! Aargh! The facial hair! I shave every weekends and of course, by Friday, all that is grown and all itchy. Everytime I look at the mirror and see that hair, it breaks my heart. Everytime I look at my facebook profile photo of Isis, I get so emotional and wonder to myself about when all this is going to end. I wonder how I'm gonna begin this really excruciatingly harrowing and difficult journey that I'm beginning! Can anyone feel my pain? I know, I know, people sometimes don’t like listening to other people’s problems. But it is my assumption and hope that by sharing what I'm going through, people can somehow understand exactly what goes on inside a Transgender’s mind or life, before and after. I also hope that when I say ‘after’ it means that I shall be able to continue updating my blog even after I have started doing all that stuff I dream an long for so much.
I have been listening to Tyra’s interview of Isis King, a transgender model who contested in Tyra’s America’s Next Top Model. She is such an inspiration to me. Both of them are. She speaks about her life so easily and frankly and I see a lot of me in her. Because she has gone through much of what I have and I feel she is just like me. Americans have it easier that us Africans, or Kenyans for that matter. I sometimes just wish I would get a visa or green card to the US and I can finally pursue my dreams and aspirations with ease. It would make me the happiest girl in the world.
I dream of so many things. I take myself to be a very intelligent young girl. I have so many ideas in my mind. There are numerous things I want to achieve in life. I have told several of my friends that I made a pact with God that He would not take me before atleast achieving these aspirations and dreams. I know there are people who may thing I'm nuts or something, but believe me, I dreamt it and I desperately wanna achieve it. Again, its mostly to do with helping others and I believe this would come in handy to the rest of the world. In a nutshell, I believe the world needs me!
I dream of one day waking up, dressing for work and not hating it, going to do something I love doing, people appreciating and respecting me for who I am, being able to help the less fortunate in the society, and basically just being the me God intended me to be.

My dreams will come true. I will do everything necessary to achieve this. Amen.

6 comments:

Brenda Sausage said...

You are an inspiration. Keep going on. Do not be afraid. Be yourself always and GOD will bless you.

Tamaku said...

I second what Brenda Sausage has said. Do not be afraid to pour out your feelings, you will inspire many who may be in pain. Some of us aren't any better, we just put a brave face on. I'll light a candle for you tonight in my study as I work. Be brave, we love you.

Monica Roberts said...

Hey Lindsay,
Just discovered your blog and added it to my TransGriot blogroll.

I'm glad to finally be able to begin connecting my readers with some of my trans sisters on the Mother Continent.

I will continue to pray that you and all my transsisters and transbrothers in Kenya and elsewhere on the African continent be able to be your true selves.

alejandro said...

wsup....Im sure you know yourself....but I came across this interesting gender test that I thought you might find fun to do...I landed in the third category...check it out and let me know how it goes.

http://transsexual.org/cogoffline.html

share with pals as well

Amy K. said...

I reeeaaly feel your pain with the facial hair dilemma! I don't know if you're able to get electrolysis or not (I've only read a few of your posts), but oh yeah, did that plague me for such a long time. Now it plagues me again, because most or all of the hairs that I got rid of via laser treatments have grown back! I was forced to stop hormones for a year and the testosterone flooding through my system "rebooted" those dormant hairs that I thought were really dead! GRRR! Never again for laser treatments! Now I pluck them, though I have a LOT on my neck. My girlfriend helps me quite a bit with that. Thanks for sharing, and keep up the good work with being a unique and beautiful woman. :)

- Amy

Enchanted One said...

Thank you all for your support. It really means alot to me. I wish i could express more...
Its my first week as ME and its exciting, yet scary.

Alejandro, I did the test and you can definitely guess the score. I wasnt surprised, but it added more confidence to me. Thanks.
Amy, most of what I need, I can get. My biggest problem is cash! (Dont we all have those!). The electrolysis,hair removal stuff is quite expensive and sometimes i wish some 'good samaritan' would come to my rescue!! But all in all, it must be done and thats gonna be my first step. Thanks for the boost and keep up the good work!

Ciao All!!

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