I Love You MOM!

End of June. Begin July. Hmmm. What have I been up to this month? Well honestly, as I have mentioned before, I am getting more and more cofused about what I should write here and what I shouldn't. Its kind of frustrating if I may say since I do want to write is just that sometimes you don't get that inspiration. I guess its the writer's block thingy. We ain't all writers anyway.

This month I marked the second month since I began my hormones. I feel great. Relaxed. Easy. Even despite a few challenges here and there, the feeling is good. I am relatively happy. My relationship with A is smooth. Sometimes I think being with an older person is better. I tend to think that I am way older than my age! He's a good guy. He's easygoing, calm, reserved, talkative, funny, understanding, very understanding and most importantly, he's got my heart. I admit I do love him. And yes, don't scold me for not talking about him. I don't think its important. Unless someone tells me why I should. Do we have issues? Yes. Who doesn't! But we get along quite well. He makes me happy and that's it. The only fear I have is that this feeling will fade away. But every time I see him the feeling is strong. Its like a thermometer. Every time I see him or even just think about him the mecury rises. And I have no doubts. Anyhoo, I am thankful and grateful for having him near me and being mine. I am also thankful that we are good and have a strong relationship. By the way, August we will be marking our 1st anniversary!

Oh my Mom! Mommy is great as always, even better sometimes. I cannot express in words how much I love my mother. She means the world to me. She comes first in everything. Then A comes next. They are the two most important people in my life right now. I don't know where id be without them! Please note, I am not dismissing other close friends and family here, I am just saying those who are closest to my heart at the moment. I simply love my mom. I think even that word 'love' isn't enough. Its far from enough. If she's reading this,... Mom, you mean the world to me. I know that's cliché but enyewe there ain't no other way I could say it. Lemme dedicate this song to you.

A Song For Mama
You taught me everything
And everything you've given me
I always keep it inside
You're the driving force in my life, yeah


There isn't anything
Or anyone I can be
And it just wouldn't feel right
If I didn't have you by my side


You were there for me to love and care for me
When skies were grey
Whenever I was down
You were always there to comfort me
And no one else can be what you have been to me
You'll always be you always will be the girl
In my life for all times




[Chorus: ]
Mama, mama you know I love you
Oh you know I love you
Mama, mama you're the queen of my heart
Your love is like
Tears from the stars
Mama, I just want you to know
Lovin' you is like food to my soul


You're always down for me
Have always been around for me even when I was bad
You showed me right from my wrong
Yes you did


And you took up for me
When everyone was downin' me
You always did understand
You gave me strength to go on


There was so many times
Looking back when I was so afraid
And then you come to me
And say to me I can face anything
And no one else can do
What you have done for me
You'll always be
You will always be the girl in my life


[Chorus ]

Take care people. And remember, love makes every difference!

What Is My Sexual Orientation?

What is my sexual orientation? My gender identity is clear right? I am female. Thats how I perceive myself.

But lately I have seen the above question being asked of me several times and I thought I should address it here now. But before I go ahead and give my views, and I hope this will be a short post, lets look at web definitions of several terms.

Sexual Orientation: According to Wikipedia, Sexual orientation describes a pattern of emotional, romantic, and/or sexual attractions to men, women, both genders, neither gender, or another gender. According to the American Psychological Association, sexual orientation is enduring and also refers to a person's sense of "personal and social identity based on those attractions, behaviors expressing them, and membership in a community of others who share them."

Gender Identity: Still, Wikipedia says, Gender identity (otherwise known as core gender identity) is the gender(s), or lack thereof, a person self-identifies as. It is not necessarily based on biological fact, either real or perceived, nor is it always based on sexual orientation. The gender identities one may choose from include: male, female, both, somewhere in between ("third gender"), or neither.

The way I understand the above, is that there is a BIG DIFFERENCE between Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity. I presume most of you already know this fact. There is no similarity between how you identify as and who you are attracted to. So if, for example, I am a trans woman, I (presumably) identify as a female and this is my gender identity and (presumably, not factual) I am attracted to males and this is my sexual orientation. (Forgive me for 'enbolding' so many words; I like stressing points through that and using italics.)

Lets now look at Lindsay. What is my sexual orientation. My gender identity is clear (as I have indicated at the top right tab on this blog), I am female. A girl. A woman.

My Sexual Orientation is STRAIGHT.

This is not news. Most of you already know this through reading my blog. I identify as straight. I am attracted to men. Interestingly though, as I had mentioned here about a lesbian encounter, I now think that there is a possibility for flexibility. Where now I see the chance of me being attracted to what I would call "masculine females"! Quite interesting don't you think?

But there is something that actually made me write this post. Its the assumption that men who date trans women are actually gay. And why do they assume this? "Oh, I mean...you both have the same stuff down there right? So definitely thats gay!? Right" I recall a friend telling me. THIS IS WRONG!! In all sense!

Here's the thing. If I identify as female, and I date a man, then isn't that heterosexual? YES! Yes it is! Therefore, the man I date would identify as? Straight! Right? So this blatant ignorance of the above is what sometimes annoys me. But I do hope that I make things clear now.

Sex is between your legs; Gender is between your ears.

I, and most others, use this phrase to clarify things. Get this, just because I have genitalia similar to that of males, it DOES NOT mean that who I date and have relations with is gay! If you reach your conclusion in this manner then it means you are calling me A MAN. Yes. You are in fact, insulting me. Making me feel bad. You cannot define my sexual orientation by looking at what I have between my legs or how I and my [male] partner have sex? Even if that was the case, do we then conclude that since even cis-gendered(persons who don't have a disparity between their gender identity and their assigned sex) females have anal sex are gay? What I am trying to say here is that you cannot define my sexual orientation by looking at what I have between my legs. Period.

Before I conclude, let me share this piece from Wikipedia (again!) that I think is quite interesting.

Some researchers (see BBL controversy) ignore the evidence of self-identification as women and continue to view transsexual women as men, labeling trans women who feel sexual attraction to men as "homosexual transsexuals" and to women as "nonhomosexual". This is seen as disrespectful to the women whom they are supposing to study; developmental biologist and trans-feminist writer Julia Serano labels this as part of a process of "trans-objectification," the reduction of transsexual persons to research specimens and sexual fantasies.

I just hope I have allayed any misgivings and any misguided opinions one must have had. I of course don't mind questions on this and I will say that this is my point of view and, as the saying goes,

"Opinions are like arse-holes. Everyone has them!".

*XOXO*

20th June: Two Months Later...

Its been two months since I began taking Progynova (Estradiol Valerate), the female hormones.

And what do I have to show for it? Well to be honest not much has changed since last month.
I still am growing my breasts. The nipples are very itchy and sensitive so anyone who knows me may at one point see me pressing against my breasts since they are itchy! (I cant believe the things I am typing! Jeez!)

My face and skin is still getting smoother, I am much more calmer than ever even under serious duress (work stuff)! I am trying to maintain calm on that one.

I am still very active libido-wise so thats a non issue. Somehow, I feel embarrassed to talk about such stuff on my blog and I cant help wonder why yet I have written about it before! Anyhoo, thats the case. Surprisingly, this post will be relatively short.



Now, let me ask you my audience and readers, do you have a burning question you would like to ask me? Is there something pressing that you would want to know about me or maybe about being a transsexual in Kenya?

Please feel free to send them to me. I am gonna answer all of them ALL OF THEM! And honestly too (I think!).

*XOXO*

Aaaargh!!!!

This is my current state of mind.

Atleast I was yesterday. Now, enyewe, its something else.

Like a ray of hope.

Something like this.

Fab week everyone.

*XOXO*

A Trans In Uganda (BorrowedPost)

Friday, November 21, 2008

A Trans in Uganda [Gay Uganda]



Like it is worldwide, the travails of a Trans are that much more arduous than a gay man. Or a lesbian. From today's monitor.

Tororo’s man who loves to be a woman

Augustine Emojong

Tororo

A Tororo man who was in 2006 arrested for assault wont stop wanting to be a woman.

Popularly known as Fatuma Segiyirira, the impersonator fought over a man with another woman at Nagongera township in a bar where ‘she’ worked as a barmaid. Segiyirira was taken to Tororo Central Police Station where ‘she’ was kept in the female cells.

Segiyirira was then produced in court on charges of assault and sent to Morukatipe Prison where he was also kept in a female inmates’ wing. He was later discovered to be a man after he reportedly started threatening to infect fellow female inmates with HIV/Aids. The Police added another charge of impersonation and he was returned to Morukatipe Prison in the male wing.

After serving a one-year sentence, he was recently released. The detention appears not to have change him. Segiyirira had been on the loose again until last week when his luck ran out for the second time. He had been to Mudakori Trading Centre in Tororo where she had camped looking for a job of a barmaid.

This time round, he called herself Margaret.

Residents told Daily Monitor that after spending some days in the area, he had attracted the attention of many men. He allegedly conned many of men and declined to have sex with them, pretending that he was in his menstrual periods. His luck ran out last weekwhen a curious young man tried to touch his ‘breasts’ at a drinking joint, only to get amused when a sponge fell down.

The LC1 Chairperson, Mrs Angella Okello and other women, took him to a separate house to check and ascertain his gender but were shocked to discover that he was a mature man. Drama then ensued as he was stripped and beaten by angry residents who forced him to walk naked for over the 5km stretch to Tororo Central Police Station.

Hundreds of curious onlookers thronged the streets to see the great woman who had turned into a man.

While being stripped, Segiyirira was found to have tied his manhood with a string, passed it between his legs and tied the string at the back of his waist to convince everyone. Some of those she had gone with say he used to smear tomato sauce on his panties to always deceive the men that he was in his monthly periods after drinking their beers and being offered some cash.

The Tororo District police Commander, Mr Gaudencio Okumu, told Daily Monitor on Monday that it was very unfortunate that Fatuma had continued with the same character after being released from prison. “We are finalising the charge sheets and he will be taken to court again on charges of impersonation and other charges which we shall find appropriate,” said Mr Okumu.

---
An exercise in futility?


I had stopped myself from commenting about Segiyirira- but that has been short lived. What crime has this lady committed? Daring to dress like a woman. Deceiving her acquitances. Those seem to be the most heinous crimes, according to the article. And what has been the punishment, which the community meted out fast and furiously?
A not so public check to confirm the genital sex.
A public beating.
Paraded naked, for 5 good kilometres
Jailed. Was there any mention of bail or police bond?
To court soon, charge- impersonation. Of a woman. (Any woman!!!)


The police commander is not happy. Second time offender, so more charges, he adds grimly.
The price of ignorance. Why should a man dress as a woman? Why would one risk one’s very life to do that? As a gay man in Uganda, I realize that I am fine in a way. For a long time, and at great cost to myself, I have learnt to hide. It is simply a necessity of survival. I hide so well that I can get lost in my own deception.
A trans person in Uganda is more disadvantaged. Much more disadvantaged, and Segiyirira has paid the price. It could as easily have become a lynch mob.


Being what I am, I cant help thinking that all these things were crimes committed by society and the state against the individual... but then, I am biased.


gug



Posted by gayuganda at 12:07 PM

Oh Well

its been a while. and i am posting this directly into the posting area so the writing is not ‘done properly’ but atleast the words are here.

and the reason why i insist on doing this is not to limit myself to copy pasting stuff. yea...thats basically it.

so basically i am bored. bored because i cant seem to get myself to write something comprehensible. a friend of mine says she has the same problem so it seems am not alone…

being trans is hard. make up in the morning to conceal that famous 5 oclock shadow…boob enhancers….tight undies…all that crap in dressing…and every time being carefull to look around wondering if someone knows youre trans…puh!

i sometimes wonder how easy it would have been had i been born okay.

huh!

How Could I Forget?

OMG!!

I am crazy! How could I forget that ON THIS DAY, May 8th 2008, I started this lovely blog?

Well, it passed. And guess what, I am happy. Am a happy girl!

Its been a great journey all these months, years. Things have changed, things have happened. I have been blessed.

I started transitioning. That was nice.

Had a few mishaps. Wasn't too exciting.

And some sad/angry moments. Time heals all wounds.

Had my surgery. Great too.

Celebrated one month on hormones. Marvelous.

I couldn't ask for more.

Thank you all for the support y'all gave me :)

Much appreciated :)


XOXO!