Okay, yesterday I got kinda pissed at my boss for snooping around and dissin me for blogging after work! He was like, ‘get a laptop!’. Now what do I do if I cant afford one? And besides, a laptop is the last thing on my to-buy-list right now! I’d rather have HORMONES!!
Anyway, as the title goes, I am a flirt. I flirt a lot. I even flirt when I don’t know it! I started this way back in primary school. I would notice a guy and like him. I then would be-friend the guy. Once we have become somewhat friends, I start throwing vibes-you know, like smiling at him when he is seated next to me. I loved making soft pinches on the cheeks ( I still do that! It’s a thing of mine). And ofcourse, talking like you want him that moment! I don’t know, but its like I enjoyed it, and I still do. Well, I'm not a tramp, don’t get me wrong, I just enjoy making guys feel good about themselves and maybe, just maybe, let them see that I ain't no boy! For some, it was just totally weird for them, for others they enjoyed it and then there were those who flat out didn’t get it.
Apart from flirting, there was your average attraction that happened once every so often. I remember both in high school and primary it happened. It was as simple as you may picture it. I don’t know whether it’s the same with gay persons. I remember guys would approach me and tell me, all the while looking confused and shy, that they had developed feelings for me! At first I would act all shocked and somehow angry, saying that he was crazy, nuts even. Then I’d brush it off and continue like I didn’t care! For some it wasn’t easy doing that as I too had gotten a crush on them but couldn’t say it to them. Then again I would agree on some level with others and just accept to be wooed and told sweet nothings (tell me a girl who doesn't enjoy that!)! since we were young, in a boarding school and ‘boys’ it wasn’t easy having a relationship but they happened. I feel like I was somehow lucky, maybe blessed, (I hate tooting my own horn), but I honeslty couldn’t understand how guys, who by the way were very straight, would come upto me and tell me that they thot I was hot/cute and that they liked me! Ofcourse I can now inderstand it better, maybe it’s the ‘opposites attract thing’ maybe its something else. Like for example, up till now, I cannot get how two guys or two girls fall for one another! But it happens and I both accept and respect that. Infact I have seen some gay men and lesbians. They are cool. They are normal people (some say they are cursed, hence the word). They are so regular. Just like me. I mean! (ok I have to stop babbling!)
I came out to a friend the other day. He had wooed me for long (I use that word too much, right?). and I was just about to tell him off, then I thought to myself that if I keep keeping it to myself, then who is ever going to know the real me? Isn’t it time I start shedding the shell little by little? Don’t I deserve to have friends who know me for me, who understand me for who I am? I do deserve it. And besides, ain't I starting my hormones soon? Surely it wont be a walk in the park? I will need a support system, won’t I?
So I told him. He asked so many questions! I felt so good answering them all. It was such a relief. My heart was racing hard and I felt like I was in a job interview(never been to one!)!! but it felt great. He understand now. He claims he still loves me. I wonder whether that will still be so. But I must keep my hopes up. I mean, there is hope for Kenya, isn’t there? We all will someday understand and tolerate each other, regardless of our gender or sexual inclination. I like the way someone commented on a certain blog. He/she said that we need to stop labeling ourselves through our sexual nature or gender identities and start looking at ourselves as kawaa human beings in love. In love with whomever we are with, and okay with however we are. We need to focus on living a fulfilling life, achieving our dreams and goals. Being the best we could ever be!
Yes we can!!!
I have chosen to give a special THANK YOU to all who support me and my goal with this blog.
Pater, thanks for acknowledging me, and also your kind words. They mean a lot to me. Honestly.
Tamaku, you definitely shall be expecting a lot from me! I assure you. We surely shall interact more.
GNM, thank you too. I am grateful for everything.
Marsha dear, you are a sister to me. I love you dearly!!
Cuppatea, honestly, like the others, I hope to meet you someday.
I really have to be grateful. This is a medium that we can all share ourselves and I am especially grateful that I am part of this.
God bless you all.