I felt like going home early today. Yesterday I left at around 9pm (yes, I know!). But then I felt I should at least finish what I started. I wouldn’t want to sound all boring but have to tell you, this writing thing is new to me, albeit the fact that I write nearly everyday!
It never occurred to me that I was a Transgender. In fact, that word, I came to know about it like 4 or 5 years ago, when I was in high school. At least I knew it was a disorder. It wasn’t easy (I don’t know how many times that’s gonna appear in this blog) and everyone knows that by now. I would see girls my age flirting with guys and it would make me sick to my stomach. Some chic somewhere would hit on me and I would squirm as if a spider fell on me! But that was just the bag side of it. Somehow, there existed some nice, laughable and memorable musings in the time.
We were young. We were entering that age; that age where the older folk call ‘raging hormones’. Yes, that one. Funny enough, I somehow garnered some admirers! Weird? No. I came to later understand it all. I simply explained it as ‘opposites attract’. How else would you put it? Besides, (no offence) I ain't gay!
Guys approached me. Told me all sweet nothings. Felt nice, felt weird, felt confusing; all the while trying to figure my life out. To some, I said no. I didn’t feel the same. To some, ofcourse, I couldn’t resist. They wooed me. Just the same as they would woo others when we went for ‘school outings’.
I don’t know how some of you can describe it. For me, once I came to understand me, it would all be clear as crystal. I was a girl. Period. Of course discerning that wouldn’t be easy but it had to be done. I had to understand me if I wanted to live a ‘normal’ life. If I wanted to survive.
Sometimes I feel like I'm not supposed to write about me all the time, sometimes I tell myself, ‘why don’t you ask others what they go through and have it written here?’ but then again…naaah! Maybe someday I will.
Sometimes it feels nice to wander off sometimes and wallow in the masma of wordings! (I also didn’t get that!!)
My boss just dissed me. Aargh! Chat later.