Tuesday, July 14, 2009

MYSTERIES OF THE PAST

When I sat down at my computer to write today’s post, I thought to myself, ‘its been long since I shared my past with these lovely people’. So here goes. Hope you like it.

It was in the mid 90’s and I was still in primary school. I had just recently joined a boarding school and it was tough work! I was really young and really small. But at least I wasn’t that shy. Days went by and people got to know each other. I gained a nickname ‘kasupuu’ due to my looking soo much like a girl. I couldn’t help it! (even now it ain't easy, even despite my having some hair on my face!). it wasn’t easy. But I braved through. I fought hard to keep my head up. And my being a hardliner, I also toyed with the situation and got the best out of it.
Time had passed and I had grown older. I had began this process better known as ‘adolescence’, so I started liking guys. It felt weird and nice all at once. I never understood what the h**l was going on! It was so freaking confusing! But I wavered on; pushing on, trying to make sure I keep to myself. It wasn’t easy. I found myself flirting with both gyus and girls! I played with the girls-hop step and jump, kati, bladder, jump rope, you name it! I also went to boy games like foot ball and cheered them on, all the while liking what I see! (oops!!). it was somewhat possible, yet difficult. People bashed me for apparently ‘behaving like a girl’ I tried to ‘remove’ these behaviours but nothing! People laughed at me. I felt stupid; trying to change something that was knitted in me; entrenched in my genes. It was just impossible(so it felt)!
In some words, it was a harrowing experience(I've always wanted to use that word!)! I am so glad and thankful(to God) that I was able to get out of that.

Ofcourse there is more. There is a lot more. I wish sometimes there was a way of encoding the gazillion million thoughts that race, nay zoom through my wild open mind!! But that’s a story for another day.

Do have a lovely time, wont you?!

It makes me sick, what people can do out of ignorance. Someone once said that “Ignorance makes the heart fear.” Lest try and understand each other, try being the operative word.

2 comments:

Pater Nostra said...

Enchanted One,

We all have a past. We have suffered the same assaults, fears and shame as many before us and many after us. However we, after growing up and seeing things in a new, albeit a more open perspective, have come to realize that people do things either out of ignorance or malice. Bottom line is , they do bad things. Ever heard the phrase, 'Bad things happen to good people?' Good people like yous and me. ((-:

But we have weathered all that and more. We are strong men and women who can still smile and see life as a huge canvas in which we have to throw all the paint in it. No matter what we will survive.

Forgive these past attacks so that you can achieve closure with yourself and perhaps, God in his unfathomable wisdom and kindheartedness may, after your example, reach out and touch these aggressors, so that they, like you, as children of GOD, may come to love one another despite our physical make-up, gender, orientation, looks, creed, e.t.c.

Heaven sound so near. (-:

I've allowed myself to be moved by this blog post.

Enchanted One said...

My post was short. yet it touched you. its amazing what the simplest words can do. your words, in turn, make me happy, shed a tear even. thank you so much Pater, i love you for that!
Mwwah!!

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